The wine bottle was almost full. “To James,” Carlow said, holding out his glass. “Since this one’s on him.”

“To James,” I replied, trying to not sound ironic and cynical. Trying to not sound like I knew anything.

We drank and then Carlow said, “Isn’t that Lonnie’s dress?”

“Oh,” I said. “She gave me some of her old ones. Hand-me-downs.”

He nodded.

“How do you know James anyway?” I asked, changing the subject.

“We went to school together,” he said. “I guess I’ve known him since I was fourteen. That’s why everyone calls me Carlow—just got used to it because we go so far back.”

“What do you mean? Is Carlow not your name?”

“Last name. My first name is James, did you not know that?”

Everyone’s identities were shifting underneath me. I felt stupid all over again, just like when I’d found out Lonnie’s real name earlier.

“I don’t really keep up with any of my high school friends,” I said.

“No?”

“Moving across the country didn’t help. But even before then. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I left. There weren’t many people I grew up with I could relate to.”

This wasn’t true, and I don’t know why I said it. I’d never lacked for friends, growing up, and had related deeply to a number of different girls. We’d had forts and imaginary worlds, secret pacts and boxes full of notes about the minutiae of our lives, dropped into lockers, just like Lonnie. Each of these relationships had ended abruptly, each for its own unimportant reason, and then we had gone our separate ways. Most of these girls were now married, still living in a small town, raising children of their own. I didn’t understand them. I didn’t know where I was headed, but it wasn’t in their direction. Of most of my friends, I thought privately, I’d used them up.

Carlow looked around the kitchen. “I never found my book. Do you mind if I go upstairs?”

“No,” I said. “William sleeps like an angel. Don’t worry about waking him.”

I walked up to the living room and plopped down on the couch while he was gone. I could hear him rummaging around in the master bedroom on the floor above, then walking down the hall and doing the same in Lonnie’s office. He was obviously going through her stuff. I had nothing to do with his purpose here, but instead of giving in to a feeling of defeat, I thought, What are you going to do about that?