“He’s getting tired,” I said.

“Lonnie wanted you to know how she appreciates your not taking your eye off him, even when other people were holding him.”

I nodded. “Of course,” I said. “He’s my responsibility tonight.”

“She always has an eye on him, and she noticed you do too.”

I nodded again. He was drunk.

“I noticed too.”

I nodded a third time and pursed my lips into a smile for him. William unlatched his mouth from the nipple and whispered, “Dada.” James didn’t hear or didn’t care. He kept looking at me and I felt very sober. Carlow was leaning against the counter, taking in the conversation.

The third man, the one I didn’t know, clasped James on the shoulder, jolting him to attention. “Are we going to try some of that?”

“Yes,” James said, turning back to the cupboard to retrieve tumblers. “Alexander Murray, 1964.” He poured three glasses. “It’s meant to be drank, boys.”

They clinked glasses and sipped the amber liquid. “Don’t tell anyone where you got this,” James said.

As they walked out of the room, Carlow lingered behind and set his glass down on the table in front of me, then headed back upstairs behind the others.

I smiled and sipped at the offering as William finished his milk, though I felt I didn’t deserve it. I’d expected it to be indistinguishable from the cheap whiskey I drank, but there was a smoky undertaste of something I couldn’t quite identify—raisins, licorice, figs. I ran my tongue along the roof of my mouth, trying to single it out—molasses maybe, or almond extract. When it was gone, I had to stop myself from licking the glass.

WHEN I LAID WILLIAM IN HIS CRIB HE SPRANG BACK UP, TEARS streaming down his face and onto his crocodile-print pajamas. All night he had tried so hard to please everyone, but alone with me he was comfortable enough to fall apart. His screams were accusatory: Why didn’t you send all those people away?

I picked him back up and brought him over to the rocking chair. I hummed softly and rubbed his back while he cried, burying his face in my shoulder, making it slimy with snot. Finally, he dozed off in my arms, his small body going limp and leaden. The vent above the door was quietly streaming in cool air and I liked the feeling of his hot body against my chest. I wanted to lay William down with me in the guest bed across the hall and fall asleep curled around him. I didn’t want to leave him and I didn’t want to go back to the party, but I felt obligated.