But I couldn’t leave him all alone in that huge attic space. I kept thinking of lonely little Lonnie, crying herself to sleep in the same room, the long night in the quiet of the country. I rubbed his back as he cried in his crib, humming a little tune. Lonnie was probably right, I probably kept him up longer, drew out the crying, but I didn’t care, I didn’t want him to be alone. When he finally dozed off, sucking his middle and ring fingers, nuzzled into his faded old blanket, I wandered back downstairs. Everyone had left the dining room. I had to look for them, as if we were playing hide-and-seek. There were three sitting rooms and a library on the first floor alone. I finally found Lonnie and Carlow on a pink silk sofa in the library, her feet on Carlow’s lap. Robert sat in a green wingback across from them, fingers curled around a tumbler. James, I guessed, had gone to bed.

“William’s asleep,” I said, settling into a chair across from the sofa. “Finally.”

Lonnie smiled at me. She didn’t move her feet. Carlow had a hand over them. It was nothing, but it was dangerous between the two of them. He could run his hand right up her leg at any moment.

“Nothing’s happening here,” Lonnie said. “Just all these stuffy parties. I don’t know why we keep coming.”

“Perhaps to see your father?” Robert ventured.

Lonnie sighed. “I’m not saying anything about you, Daddy.”

He took a swig of his liquor, then smiled at her as he brought his glass down. “I’m sorry, my darling,” he said. “But I don’t get to see you nearly often enough.”

Robert looked very old and very tired, his eyes sunk deep into his skull. He said, “Elle, do you want to have children?”

I hated this question. I felt the urge to lie, to say of course, I can’t wait, just because I was working as his daughter’s nanny.

“I don’t know,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea, to be honest. Of course, I’ve just never had the money to really consider it anyway,” I said.

“You’re smart. You’re going to be moving forward. You’ll have money soon.”

I wanted to argue. It wasn’t an upward trajectory for all of us. Money didn’t just naturally come with age for some the way it had for him. I was already getting paid top dollar for my career and it was only enough to make ends meet for me. There was nowhere else to go, and it certainly wasn’t preparing me for success in another venture. Likely though, he was only trying to be polite.