Agnes’s eyelids flutter. Her hand squeezes Anna’s. Anna squeezes back and forgets everything else. Agnes’s lips twitch, then she slowly opens her eyes. She seems to be having difficulty in focusing.

‘Agnes? Agnes, sweetheart, can you hear me?’

Nothing.

She thinks about the water, about all those minutes when Agnes was deprived of oxygen. About what that might have done to her wonderful, fragile brain.

‘Agnes . . .’ Her voice breaks.

Agnes closes her eyes, as if she’s gone back to sleep. Anna turns to the doctor, who has just come in.

‘I’ll examine her,’ the doctor says quietly. ‘It can take a while for—’

‘Mum.’

Anna turns. Her daughter’s eyes are open, her gaze clear.

‘I’m thirsty.’

And suddenly the floodgates open.

*

Once the doctor has established that Agnes is doing well, under the circumstances, mother and daughter sit together quietly while Anna tries to gather her courage. The main lights are off and the blinds half-closed, leaving the room in a soft semi-darkness.

‘I need to tell you something,’ she says. ‘Something I should have told you a long time ago. About your dad.’

Agnes straightens her shoulders.

‘About the real reason why we moved here,’ Anna goes on.

She takes a deep breath and begins. Slowly, almost without stammering at all, she goes through the whole story, in spite of the fact that it’s the hardest thing she’s ever done. She starts with how she and Håkan met at the police academy, explains why they split up, and finally she tells Agnes how he died. She includes every painful detail, leaves nothing out, even though tears are pouring down her cheeks.

Afterwards she sits on Agnes’s bed with her daughter’s head resting on her lap. Strokes her forehead until she falls asleep, just like she did when Agnes was a child.

My darling little girl, she thinks.

Our darling little girl.

She hears Håkan come into the room. Senses a shadowy presence over by the wall. No longer trapped in her head, but free.

You did the right thing, my love, he whispers. His tone is warm, yet sad. She knows exactly why. This is the real reason why she has waited so long to talk to Agnes. He comes and stands right beside her.

‘Do you have to go?’ she says. Or maybe she thinks it. ‘Can’t you stay – for just a while longer?’

He doesn’t reply, he merely gives her a melancholy smile. Should she ask him again? Explain that both she and Agnes still need him? But she knows there’s no point.

Time to go, he says softly, caressing her cheek. Goodbye, my darling Anna. Everything’s going to be fine.

They go through the sequence together, just like the last time.

Three, three, seven, five, nine, two.

Select.

Then, with a faint sigh of relief, he is gone.

Chapter 56

56

Autumn 2017