I shake my head. During a weak moment, I broke down and told Tristan about my nightmare. I’ve regretted it ever sense because it’s all he worries about every time I see him. But it’s not worry for me, its worry for him. He fears the Highers will find out he’s been spending time with someone who can remember when the virus first spread, even if it’s just a nightmare.

I pick at the stale bread. “No, the nightmares have pretty much disappeared.”

He looks thankful and takes a bite of his peas. “Good. I’m glad.” He leans in close and puts his lips next to my ear. “You know I think you look beautiful, even when you look worn out.”

I should be flattered—feel the shivers Nina talks about—but I just feel trapped by these invisible chains. Still, I smile, hoping I don’t seem fake even though my lips feel like plastic.

He leans back and fidgets with his spoon nervously. “Can you meet me tonight?” His voice cracks and he clears his throat, scared I’ll reject what he wants. “There’s something I want to ask you.”

My body grows ridged. “I can’t tonight. Monarch needs my help with something.”

He frowns. “Well how about tomorrow morning?”

My insides twitch. I’m not ready for this. Not now. Maybe not ever.

He wraps his hand around mine. “Please, Juniper. It’s really important.” Then he flashes me a hopeful smile.

I stare at our hands, our fingers intertwined, knowing there should be more than what I’m feeling and wondering why there isn’t. “Okay, I’ll meet you tomorrow morning when I wake up.”

“At the clock tower,” he says, cheerfully squeezing my hand.

Not meeting his eyes, I nod. Then I stab my fork into my potatoes as the invisible chains are tugged tighter.

“So guess what I heard.” Nina plops down on the bench across from us, a devious sparkle in her emerald eyes. “Hold on.” She raises her hands in front of her dramatically. “I think I see something here.” She points a finger at us. “Were you two finally confessing your love for one another.” She laughs. “It’s about time.”

My head pounds, choking away my oxygen.

“Yep, you caught us.” Tristan yawns and puts his arm around my shoulder exaggeratedly. “That’s exactly what we were doing.”

I feign a smile, telling myself to breathe.

“Joke all you want.” She grins. “But one day you two will end up together. I just know it.”