“The truth is, Sarah Beth, after you told me what you did at the Vatican with helping the Shepherds, I reached out to your parents,” Pastor Dee said. “You and I have spoken many times about how special your gifts are, haven’t we?”

She nodded, feeling much more like a child than she liked.

“I explained to your parents how very unique some of your gifts are and how advanced you are compared to the other students. And so during the last meeting, I asked your mom and dad what they thought about accelerating your training.”

“And?” Sarah Beth said, excited and nervous, glancing from Pastor Dee to her parents and back again.

We said no, her mother said in her head.

“What? Why?”

“Why what, dear?” Pastor Dee said, confused for a moment, but then glanced at her mother and nodded with recognition. “Oh, I see.”

“But I want to do it,” she stammered. “I want to have better control. I want to be able to do something with these, these—” she gritted her teeth—“these things that make me different. I want them to matter. Why would you say no? Do you have any idea what it’s like to have all this inside you and to want to control it but not be able to?”

“Actually I do, Sarah Beth,” her mom said, her voice a lullaby, “which is why your dad and I reevaluated our previous decision and decided to include you in the conversation.”

Why? she asked her mom in their secret, parallel conversation. What changed?

I was scared, Sarah Beth, her mom answered. I was scared they’d take advantage of you—use you like a sacrificial pawn in some cosmic chess match.

“But I want to do God’s work and use my gifts,” she said aloud. “I want all this craziness to have a purpose. To have meaning . . .”

“That’s right, and so do we,” Pastor Dee said. She paused and let silence ebb away the charged emotion in the room, something she excelled at, before continuing. “In our first meeting, I never got a chance to explain exactly what we’re talking about here. As a result, your parents may have been left with a false impression of the program I’m proposing.”

“How so?” Mom asked.