“You were recruited into the Shepherds, David. You’re involved in all the planning, all the missions, all the decision making—you and Jed both. You both have a role. A purpose. A mission. Even our little girl has a mission. But what about me, hmm? What’s my mission? What’s my purpose? To clean this house? To be Sarah Beth’s mom? To fret and worry and wring my hands like a lunatic, pacing this living room alone while my husband and daughter battle the devil’s army on the front lines? It’s not fair. I’m capable of more than that. I want to serve . . . like the rest of you.”

“Whoa, okay. I didn’t know you felt that way,” he said, and she sensed that he wanted to reach for her hand but restrained himself.

“It’s not your fault,” she said, waving a hand at him and feeling herself soften. “Look, I know the middle of a life-threatening crisis is the worst time to voice any of this, but with our baby girl in the mix, it’s hard to think clearly without purpose myself.” She sighed. “Sorry, I know that’s redundant. But look—before we got sucked into this nightmare, we already had plans for me to go back to work. Maybe not back to grad school like we discussed, but something. It was already hard to just wait for our girl to get home from school and now . . . well, now she’s not coming home every day. And that time, all of that empty time, it magnifies my worry about her.” She turned to him and took his hands in hers, trying to summon a smile. “And about you, David. I’m the wife left behind when the soldier deploys, and I have to fill the time with something. But it’s different than that, even, because I know—I know the things going on, the evil you guys confront. How do I just go take classes knowing everyone I care about is in that fight?”

David squeezed her hands back, pain on his face. “I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’ve been selfish, I think. I found my purpose and I feel . . . well, disappointed in myself for not recognizing that you were on your own on the home front—for not putting myself in your shoes. I don’t know what role is open for you, but I can ask Mike Moore. Okay? I’ll talk to him and together we’ll find a mission for you.”

She nodded and neither of them said anything for a long moment.