A local paanwala proposed another theory—arson. ‘A riot and so few die, impossible! Who in their right mind will push that dreaded chewing gum down their throats? I would prefer to eat a rat.’ He let his customers chew on that rat for a while before he began a dissection.

‘The Company lost money—introducing chewing gum when all mouths were full. Such a mistake to imagine they could replace paan. In the Ramayana, Ravana wanted to replace paan. He failed. What did Hanuman use to burn Lanka? A betel leaf. So what conclusion can we draw from this? Rama was supported by paanwalas. Even in those times, we had a strong lobby. In the Mahabharatha, what is Vidura eating? Paan. Only then was he able to narrate the Mahabharatha!’

‘Arrey! It wasn’t Vidura, it was Sanjaya who narrates the battle—he had divya drishti (divine vision).’

‘What does it matter whether it was Sanjaya or Vidura who narrates the war? Dhritarashtra was blind. The point is, what was the narrator eating?’

‘That’s going too far.’

‘Not literally. Metaphorically. It means the paanwalas masterminded the Great War. No one knows. No one wants to know. We keep this history, pass it down one generation at a time as oral history. I’m the sixteenth generation. There are several generations before us, but we don’t know their names. No Vyas, no Valmiki for us.’

‘You’re a paanwala, I have seen you sleep on this pavement.’

‘I may be a paanwala, but we are Yadavs. Do you know who else was a Yadav? Krishna, the ultimate cow protector. What does this mean, not literally, but metaphorically? We were the original protectors of the kingdom. Krishna was the ultimate protector of property. No one knows. No one wants to know.’

‘How is this related to the Company?’ a customer enquired.

‘Now the English are after us. They lost the battle to paan. What else could they do? Hired goons to burn down their own office. This is not my story. The insurance men are here every day discussing their cases. They say it’s arson. I am just a paanwala, what do I know?’

Another paanwala, unsympathetic to Bholu’s theory, said, ‘Bholu is a paanwala, I am a paanwala. Bholu is from Banaras, I am from Banaras. Bholu’s grandmother and my grandmother are cousins. My grandmother and Bholu’s grandmother are cousins. I have nothing against him. But he lacks foresight. The British don’t. Their scheme was much more elaborate. They knew they could not compete with paan. When they cannot compete, they divide. Divide and rule. They deliberately selected the cow as the mascot for their chewing gum. They knew it would cause a riot. To leave no stone unturned, they hired a Brahmin to give an inflammatory speech. The rest is history.’