‘Will anyone eat paan once they discover our chewing gum? No spitting on the streets, no stains on the walls; the government should pay us for our services to the Crown,’ joked Thompson, the director of the British Chewing Gum Company. When he was twelve, he had made up his mind to move to a place that had nothing to do with pork or pigs. That took care of most of the colonies in Asia and Africa. He crossed out Arabia too where pork was taboo—for that, a recurring childhood nightmare of waking up as a pig was responsible. All this because he was bullied at school; they didn’t call him short or fat, just ‘porky’. Bombay brought a new set of problems. His nose grew redder as the temperatures soared, and that year was going to be very hot.

2

By the end of its first year the Company could count on fifteen employees to fulfil its glorious mission. The first convert was Dibu Banerjee, the accountant, a daily paan-chewer. Two days after signing the lease, Thompson was at the office. He was surprised to see a thin man standing alone in the room furthest from the lobby; long face, prominent temples, trimmed moustache and thick, black-rimmed spectacles.

‘Taking measurements, sir, to calculate depreciation,’ he had said in response to Thompson’s stare.

‘What’s in that packet?’

‘Tea leaves, sir. I love tea.’ He quickly re-wrapped the leaves and shoved the package into his white cotton bag. The sweet smell of marijuana hung in the room. Thompson did not tell Banerjee that for the past ten years he had been a valiant soldier in her Majesty’s Indian empire and had played his part in transforming it into the world’s largest producer of tea—he had been an officer in the Tea Board.

‘What do you do?’ Thompson asked.

‘I am an accountant, sir.’

‘Do you know double-entry?’

‘All double-entries are singly entered in my head.’

‘And English.’

‘Sir, I can talk English, walk English and laugh English.’

Although Thompson remembered Banerjee’s unique ways with the language, he could not remember appointing him. Perhaps Banerjee had appointed himself, after all he was the accountant. Thompson did not know that Banerjee was a daily paan-chewer. Six months later, when paan had become the ‘enemy’ and Banerjee was found to be a daily paan-chewer, Thompson issued the Company’s first commandment: ‘Thou shalt not eat paan.’ No penalties were proposed. No arrests were made.