ROY:

Why so silent?

HENRY:

They are tongue-tied with surprise.

JULIE:

My tongue has forsaken me.

RUTH:

If I don’t die it’ll be a miracle.

ROY:

Heavens, what do I see? There’s a man hidden in here!
A notary!
What’s he doing there!

CHERRY:

No, sir. It’s not a notary. It’s Despina, I’m just back from a fancy dress party.

LEWIS & ROY:

Could so clever a rogue ever be found?

CHERRY:

There’s no one cleverer than me.

JULIE:

Despina!

RUTH:

Despina!

JULIE & RUTH:

What is happening?

HENRY cunningly lets fall the contract signed by the women.

HENRY:

[sotto voce to the men] I’ve dropped the papers.

LEWIS:

[picking up the papers] What are these papers?

ROY:

A marriage contract!

LEWIS:

Good God, you’ve signed here!

ROY:

And here!

LEWIS:

Where are these men?

ROY:

We’ll kill them!

LEWIS:

We’ll make these rooms flow with blood.

They make to enter the other room, the women prevent them.

JULIE:

My love, my sin is mortal!

RUTH:

Kill me with your sword now!

LEWIS:

What is this all about?

JULIE:

[pointing to HENRY and CHERRY] Those two know.

HENRY:

Go into that room and you’ll find out.

The men go into the room.

RUTH:

My blood runs cold.

From offstage we hear ROY and LEWIS crying out as if savaging others.

LEWIS:

Take that!

ROY:

Take that, you Albanian fiend!

JULIE:

I feel faint.

RUTH:

Oh, Holy Mother, I am weak.

HENRY and CHERRY catch the women before they fall to the floor in a faint; well they’re supposed to, but CHERRY, still jealous of JULIE, lets her fall straight onto the floor. Then a cheerful LEWIS and ROY enter, wearing Albanian communist tops over their Australian uniforms.

LEWIS:

[to RUTH] Lovely lady, a count of Albania bows before you.

ROY:

[giving a miniature to JULIE] I return this miniature in lieu of your heart, Madame.

WOMEN:

Heavens, what do we see?

MEN:

They’re stupefied.

WOMEN:

I cannot bear this torment!

MEN:

They’re half crazy.

JULIE & RUTH: [pointing to HENRY] This is the man who deceived us.

Everyone pauses. This is the music cue. They all look to where the music should be coming from, as CHERRY runs to the side of the stage and grabs giant cards on which the lyrics of the final song are written in English.

HENRY: [sotto voce to LEWIS] Where’s my music?

JULIE: [sotto voce to LEWIS] Zac must be still out to it.

ROY: [sotto voce] Someone faint.

RUTH: I’m not supposed to faint.

ROY: [sotto voce] Henry, faint.

HENRY: [not wanting to dirty his clothes] My tuxedo will get dirty.

ROY clutches his chest pretending to have a heart attack. LEWIS runs offstage to put on the record.

ROY:

Get me the musicians or I’ll die!

He collapses onto the floor.

[To RUTH] See what your infidelity has done to me!

The music starts up, surprising everyone at the suddenness of it, except HENRY. He immediately gets into his stride, half miming, half singing the Italian lyrics. CHERRY shows the cue cards to the audience so they can sing along.