CHORUS:

Bella vita militar! Ogni di si cangia loco
Oggi molto, doman poco
Ora in terra ed or sul mar.
II fragor di trombe e pifferi
Lo sparar di schioppi e bombe
Forza accresce at braccio e all’anima
Vaga sol di trionfar.
Bella vita militar!

By now all the soldiers are in the boat and he wheels the trolley off. ROY stops the music.

LEWIS: That’s good, Henry, but you don’t have to sing to it, you can just mime it.

HENRY: [slightly aggressively] I ffffelt like it.

LEWIS: [not wishing to upset him] Fair enough.

ROY: Do you think they’ll get the idea that the toy soldiers symbolise real soldiers?

LEWIS: I’m sure.

ROY: You’re dealing with a mad audience, you know.

LEWIS: It gives the audience a good indication of what a huge crowd of soldiers are going off to war.

ROY: [not so sure] Whatever you say, Jerry.

LEWIS: [sarcastically] Thank you, Roy.

JULIE and CHERRY enter wearing raincoats. CHERRY is carrying a bag.

ROY: You’re late, we had to go back and do the farewell scene again.

JULIE: [taking off her raincoat] It’s pouring out there.

CHERRY: I stopped off at Occupational Therapy to pick up a magnet. [Taking out a sandwich and stuffing it in LEWIS’s mouth] It’s a bit wet, I’m afraid. Eat. Go on, you have to put on more weight. They hadn’t even started making it.

ROY: What did I tell you? Asylums are the most inefficient places on this earth. CHERRY: No one knew what a Dr Mesmer magnet looked like. Dr Posner was there and he said he was a carlton.

LEWIS: Charlatan.

CHERRY: And I agreed with him. A Mesmer magnet never helped anyone, it was a fraud.

LEWIS: That’s not the point, Cherry. The two men are pretending to be poisoned to try and win over the girls and Despina pretends to be a Mesmerist and helps them recover. It’s a satire on Mesmer and his supposed cures.

CHERRY: Whatever. I thought we should make it more real. The women aren’t twits, are they? Even though the opera makes them out to be. What if the boys’ recovery was really terrible, horrific—?

ROY: Now we’ve got another director!

CHERRY reaches into her bag and takes out equipment for shock treatment.

Mozart didn’t have that in mind.

LEWIS: What is it?

CHERRY: [enjoying this] Let’s show him, Roy.

ROY: Not on your Nellie.

CHERRY: Come on.

ROY: Brings back too many memories.

CHERRY: [to LEWIS] It’s for shock treatment. Put it on.

She puts the head strap on LEWIS.

Lie on the floor. Go on, it’s not attached to the electric current. It won’t hurt. Lie down.

LEWIS lies on the floor.

So here comes Despina. [To the other women] In position for the scene, girls. Roy, down there.

ROY: No.

LEWIS: Roy, it’s acting.

ROY reluctantly lies on the floor.

CHERRY: I will also have a fake battery for the electric current.

She puts the head gear on ROY.