LEWIS: Well, you’re not an Arabian Phoenix, are you?

LUCY: No, I’m a woman. Ever heard of a man who is faithful?

LEWIS: Women pretend they’re true and faithful—

LUCY: Because that’s what men want us to say. That’s how they want us to be, even if they’re not true and faithful themselves.

Pause.

LEWIS: It’s over. I’m shifting out of the house.

LUCY: Are you sure this is not a French farce? Is someone going to pop out of that door?

Someone does. Both are startled to see DOUG enter, his face covered in bandages.

LEWIS: Doug?

DOUG: What did you expect? The Messiah? [To LUCY] Hi.

LEWIS: I thought you were in the closed ward?

DOUG: Snuck out. Thanks for letting Cherry go to work on me with a flick-knife.

LEWIS: I had my hands full fighting the fire. Why are you here, Doug?

DOUG: Come to kill you. No, seriously, I wanted to know about Così. How’s it going?

LEWIS: Good.

DOUG: Good? I was wondering because in a closed ward you only get to hear rumours. You took my part?

LEWIS nods.

Can I have it back now?

LEWIS: Will you please go.

DOUG: You his girlfriend?

LUCY nods.

Great tits.

LUCY: [to LEWIS] I have to go now.

DOUG: Do I make you nervous? I have a problem with my social mores. Make love, not war, eh? What I don’t understand, Lewis, is that you’ve been shagging Julie and yet your girlfriend is really attractive. Sensitive too, I bet.

LUCY: Who’s this Julie?

DOUG: It’s amazing. Every fellow in the hospital wants her but you’re the only one she’s gone for.

LEWIS: Doug, will you just go.

LUCY: You’re screwing a mental patient?

DOUG: I can understand how you feel, Lucy. Julie’s a looney and a junkie.

LUCY: The Arabian Phoenix!

LEWIS: I’m not having sex with her.

LUCY: And your holier than thou attitude.

DOUG: I’ve noticed that too. How do you feel cheating on your girlfriend, Lewis?

LEWIS: I am not! She’s cheating on me!

DOUG: I don’t believe that. [To LUCY] Want a root?

LUCY: That’s it, I’m going?

LUCY storms out of the hall. Silence.

DOUG: Women—they’re amazing, eh? Great bum too.

LEWIS: Go burn a cat.

A smiling ROY enters.

ROY: Evening, thespians! [To DOUG] The nurses from closed ward are looking for you.

DOUG: Christ… better piss off out the back.

DOUG hurries out. ROY notices a glum LEWIS.

ROY: Got the glums, Jerry?

He puts his arm around LEWIS’s shoulder.

Cheer up, old son. It’s time for the music of the spheres!

SCENE THREE

The theatre. The walls are white. It is opening night. ZAC is dressed up as a Bavarian, wearing lederhosen, with a small bandage across the bridge of his nose where RUTH hit him. He plays ‘The Ride of the Valkyries’ on a piano-accordion. It is as if he is opening the real show when, at the end of the piece, LEWIS comes on stage wearing the uniform of an Australian soldier. ZAC is very zappy.