LEWIS: Yes.

JUSTIN: The most important thing is to feel you are in control, but still at the same time listening. Are you listening, do you feel you are in control?

LEWIS: Yes.

JUSTIN: You’d make the perfect social worker. [To JULIE] Eager to start the day’s rehearsals?

JULIE: Yes.

JUSTIN: Remember what I said and don’t forget you’re going out there a nobody and coming back a star. [He picks up the kerosene heater.] We might put the kerosene heater outside. There’s no point in tempting Doug, is there? [Cheerily] Bye.

He leaves with the heater.

ROY: Places everyone! We’ll start the rehearsal with me!

CHERRY: Lewis has to say it.

LEWIS: First scene.

RUTH starts to dole out pills to the cast, much to LEWIS’s fascination.

ROY:

My Dorabella
wouldn’t do such a thing.
Heaven made her faithful
as she is beautiful.

ZAC: Hang on a mo, what about the music?

LEWIS: Remember, Zac, we decided to rehearse the opera as a play, then gradually include the music when people had learnt their songs.

ZAC tries to cover his surprise at this. It is, for him, a new turn of events.

ZAC: I know that. Just because my eyes are closed it doesn’t mean I’m asleep. I meant the overture.

ROY: [irritated] On the night.

ZAC: Do you want my suggestions or not?

ROY: No—

LEWIS: Yes.

ZAC: If I play the piano all night, it’s going to get boring. I’ll play the piano-accordion in the overture.

ROY: You can’t play the piano-accordion in Mozart!

ZAC: No piano-accordion, no piano.

ROY: Get lost then, we’ll get another pianist.

ZAC: Where?

LEWIS: [irritated] Play the piano-accordion!

ROY: [to LEWIS] I thought you were tougher than that. Giving in straight away does not set a good precedent.

DOUG: If I’m not acting for a while I’ll go for a piss.

CHERRY: No you don’t, buster. This time you’ll succeed in burning this down.

DOUG: I keep on telling you, it was an accident. I lit a match because I couldn’t find the seat in the dark.

CHERRY: Piss outside.

LEWIS: Stay here, Doug, we’re still rehearsing this scene.

DOUG: You believe me that I didn’t start this fire deliberately?

LEWIS: [unsure] Yes.

ZAC: He’s a little light, isn’t he, that Mozart?

LEWIS: Light?

ZAC: The overture. No suspense. No atmosphere. [He hums a bit.] Sort of fairies down the bottom of the garden, isn’t it? That’s why the piano-accordion is the answer. I’ve got one back in the ward, bit battered, but it’ll be okay. Won’t be a mo.

He goes.

LEWIS: Let’s get on with it.

ROY: Right, right, Jerry. Push us.

LEWIS: From the beginning, Roy. Now, remember, you and your mate are talking about how your girlfriends are faithful but Don Alfonso is cynical about this. Henry, would you stand?

HENRY stands and LEWIS gives the signal for ROY to begin.

ROY:

My Dorabella wouldn’t do such a thing—

RUTH: Where’s the coffee?

LEWIS: Ruth, we might leave the coffee business for the moment—