I didn’t like the way visitors spoke of the island as though there was something secretive about it. ‘Why would they say that?’ I asked Mum, but she used to laugh it off.

‘They’re jealous,’ she told me. ‘Who wouldn’t want to live here?’

‘But why do they think we are hiding?’ I persisted. I imagined Evergreen tucking itself in tighter behind Brownsea so no one would know we were there. And then I pictured all of us islanders crouching down behind the trees as soon as someone stepped off Dad’s ferry so we couldn’t be seen.

Mum tried her best to explain it wasn’t meant that way. ‘Some people just don’t see the beauty in it,’ she’d said. ‘Not like we can.’ In time, I realised there was something magical and mysterious about the idea of us hiding. But now, I am standing on the other side. I am the one searching, and I don’t know who’s hiding from me.

‘Are you coming on?’

I look up sharply at the man on the ferry, before glancing down at the steel walkway.

‘We need to get going if you are, love. Are you waiting for someone?’

‘No, I’m …’

‘You need a hand?’

I shake my head and inhale a deep lungful of sea air that feels like a brick as it jars in my throat. ‘I’m coming,’ I say, and he stands aside to let me pass. Despite the cold, I climb to the top deck and find a seat on the right-hand side because it is from here I will see Evergreen most clearly.

As we pull away from the jetty, my stomach lurches and I close my eyes to quell the sensation I’m about to burst. I have thought about this moment forever and now that I am here it is surreal. Questions flood my mind: will it still look the same? What if I don’t see anyone I know? How will Jill defend her reason for not staying in touch? What’s it going to be like to stand in front of my old house again? My eyes snap open and I grip on to the side with the hand that still clutches my ticket. It is that, I realise, which scares me the most.

We reach Brownsea where most of the passengers climb off. I am the only one on the top deck now. Dark clouds threaten rain, but I am here because I know it’s only a matter of moments until I catch a first glimpse of my island, and I want to see it clearly and not through the steamed-up glass below.