‘Not the sort of thing we want to be saying out loud, if I’m honest. Especially if we’re pushing for him to be declared psychologically sound. Grace, your friend’s been waiting outside most of the night. Cath Baker? Do you want me to let her in?’

I nod, slowly, the joints in my neck creaking as I do so.

McKenna stands up and walks towards the door. A few moments later, Cath comes in.

‘Hey you,’ she says. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Shit.’

‘You want to try sitting on a plastic chair all night surviving on nothing but cheap vending machine coffee and Twixes. We’ve been waiting outside since your mum called last night.’

I didn’t realise she’d brought Ben with her. I turn my head towards her. There’s no-one else there. Just Cath.

‘We?’ I ask.

‘Yeah. There’s someone here who wants to see you.’

‘Who?’

There’s a noise at the door. I look over to see someone step inside the room.

It’s Matt.

58

‘The wanderer returns,’ Dad mutters under his breath, the anger and disdain clear in his voice. ‘Finished pissing about in Outer Mongolia and thought you’d pony trek your way back into her life, did you?’

‘Derek, come on,’ Mum says. ‘Let’s leave them to it, eh?’

Dad looks at her, then at me, grumbling as he does as he’s told and rises to his feet. ‘Alright. Fine. You can tell her about your chakras and entertain her with your tales of putting lederhosen on a monk in Peru, but then you can bugger off. I’m hungry now. I want a Twix.’

McKenna and Cath follow them, leaving Matt and I alone in the room. I don’t know what I’m meant to say to him. I’m marginally more pleased to see him than I would have been to see Tom, but there’s not much in it.

‘Cath told me everything,’ he tells me, sitting down on the chair beside my bed.

‘I doubt it. Cath doesn’t know everything.’

‘She’s Cath. She’s worked out more than you think.’

‘Shame she didn’t tell me that a little earlier then.’

‘Look, I know you’re probably not best pleased to see me. I’m not stupid. I know I hurt you. And your family. Cath almost kicked my head in. And I know you’re not going to just let me waltz back into your life as and when I please. I’m not expecting that. But I do want to be able to give you my side of the story. If only to make peace with it myself.’

I raise my eyebrows. How gentlemanly of him to want to satisfy his own guilty conscience.

‘How long have you been back?’ I ask.

‘I got back yesterday. Terrible timing, I know. Never was my strongest suit. Listen, Grace. I didn’t want to hurt you. We’d been together since we were kids, Grace. Neither of us ever got the chance to be ourselves. We were a unit. A couple. Neither of us was ever a person in our own right. Not properly. I know that might not have been something you wanted, but I had itches to scratch. Things I needed to do. I never wanted that to be at the expense of our relationship, I promise. But at the same time I knew you had no interest in doing those things with me. You’re a homebird. And that’s fine. But it was always going to drive us apart. We were always going to want different things. Things that weren’t compatible. If there was never going to be any movement or compromise, we were always going to be blown apart.’