I can see where he’s coming from, but it does sound a little like he’s blaming my immovability for him leaving me. He’s right. We probably weren’t compatible. Not when it came to our views on life and what we both wanted from it.

‘And did you scratch your itch?’

Matt shrugs. ‘I guess. To an extent, anyway. I’m always going to be someone who wants to see the world and experience different things. That’s never going to change. I’m still going to want to do it. I’m still going to do it. But there’s a lot of room in me now for the alternative, too.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘I dunno. Putting down roots here. Having a home. A conventional life. One that allows me to slip out of convention every now and again when the itch arises. It taught me that the two don’t need to be mutually exclusive. They can work together perfectly well if the communication’s there. And if everyone involved is on the same page. I saw a lot of the world, Grace. I met a lot of people. I think I’d already started to realise a lot of things long before, but last week I got chatting to a guy over a couple of beers and some sushi. We both opened up about stuff, realised we had a lot in common. He said something about never giving up on what you want. He’d had a rough time of things and had had things taken away from him. So he learned never to take anything for granted. He was only out there for a few days for work, but he said when he got home he had some unfinished business to take care of, and he didn’t know which way it was going to go. The main thing was he knew he’d soon find out. And then he’d be at peace. He said I should make my own personal peace, too. That’s when I knew I had to come back.’

I lie still in my bed, an icy chill having run down my spine. My blood has run cold. Even though I’m certain I know the answer, I ask the question anyway.

‘Where was this?’ I ask.

Matt cocks his head slightly and answers. ‘Japan. Why?’

59

Sometimes things seem right when they aren’t. Sometimes they are. The same could be said of wrong, I suppose. And anyway, who’s to say what’s right or wrong?

We all need events in our lives to put things into perspective. To see what we really stand to lose or gain. Life’s not about achieving perfection: it’s about achieving balance. Spend too long reaching for the goals of others and you’ll miss your own without ever knowing what they were.

Nothing is perfect. Perfection is unattainable. Even the world’s smoothest surface will look like sandpaper under a microscope. And do you know what makes it feel smooth when it isn’t? Our hands. The way we detect and interpret the surface. The ridges and imperfections in our own surface, working perfectly in tandem with what we receive.