I turn and head down the stairs, my head pounding as I try to hold onto the contents of my stomach. When I get to the bottom, I double-check the door. It’s still fully locked and the chain is across. In the kitchen, I grab the notepad and pen from the work surface and scribble down the words Jess Caton. I can remember them now, but I don’t want to ever forget that name. Just for good measure, I write it down on two more pieces of paper, then I hide one underneath the TV stand and another behind the toilet cistern in the bathroom. I keep the third one with me. I don’t know why, but I’m not taking any risks. I need to remember that name, need to be able to get to it in the future.

It feels as if I’m going mad. Twenty-four hours ago everything was normal. At least, I thought it was. And now this. All because of two events: Tom’s reaction and Jess’s email. What was Tom even reacting to? I try to think back, to work out why he might have responded in that way, but there’s nothing there. I can’t remember.

I didn’t dream it, though. The marks are on my neck. At least, I presume that’s what it was. It can’t have been because of anything else, can it? Tom said he was only trying to make sure I was okay. What did he mean by that? Have I got this wrong somehow? Did something else happen and Tom was just trying to protect me? I don’t normally forget things. Except the email to Matilda, of course. But that was only a silly mistake. Just a slip of my finger.

I go back into my kitchen and open my work laptop on the table, bring up my Outlook email software and search my Sent Items folder for Matilda’s name. And that’s when I see it. I didn’t accidentally send the email to Matilda instead of Sue. Nor did I copy Matilda in on the email. I forwarded it on to her a full three hours after sending it to Sue.

I don’t remember this. I don’t recall any of it. Why would I wait three hours, then forward the email on to the person I was talking about? I try to think back to that day, remember what I was doing. Did I go out? Did I drink? Could I have done it by mistake somehow? I can’t see how I could have possibly gone into my Sent Items folder, opened the email, hit Forward, typed Matilda’s address in and then hit Send, all by accident. It doesn’t fit. There’s one option which does fit, but I can’t go there. There must be a better explanation. I don’t want to think of the alternative.

I look up and see the coffee jar on the work surface, next to the kettle, teabags and sugar. It’s been pulled out, as if I was in the middle of making a cup of coffee. I don’t drink coffee, though. I’ve only got that jar there for when Mum and Dad come round, and because it came as a matching set of three with the tea and sugar ones. Then I remember. I was going to make a coffee last night. I thought it would sober me up. The thought of coffee now makes me feel sick. I need something though, and I think it’s going to have to be a mug of tea and some ibuprofen.