I look at her and see something in her eyes. I know she’s telling me the truth. I don’t want to believe her. I want her to be wrong. I want Tom to be the loving, caring man I know. But there’s too much. It’s overwhelming. And after what happened last night, I know there’s another side to Tom. And I know I need to act fast.

45

Sunday 16 February

After our chat last night, Jess and I headed from the pub to a supermarket to pick up a cheap smartphone. I managed to get a cheap Android handset for £50. None of the numbers were saved on my SIM card, and I couldn’t risk turning on my own phone, but Jess came up with the ingenious idea of installing Tinder on the new phone so I could access my old messages and get Tom’s number that way.

I sent him a message as soon as I had it, telling him my phone had been stolen but that I was alright and was having to use an old handset until I managed to sort a replacement. He phoned me straight away, but I didn’t answer the call. I waited until it stopped ringing, then called him back — Jess’s idea — so I could hear if the phone made an international connection tone. It did. He was telling the truth about being out of the country, at least. That buys me a few days.

He sounded so normal on the phone. As if nothing had happened. I tried to sound as normal as possible, but I reckon I probably failed. Still, he’d have been expecting me to sound a little off with him after what happened last night. Plus there’s the hangover. I reckon I’ll have had a bit of leeway in that regard.

For now, I need to keep up the pretence that everything’s normal. That means I need to be at home.

I was awake all night, trying to work out the best course of action. My heart says the best way to move forward is to wait for Tom to get back from Japan, then let him down gently and tell him I don’t think it’s working out. At this stage I’d have every legal right to kick him out of the house before he gains any right to stay. My head tells me it won’t be that easy, though. Jess had to use her police background to warn him off. I have nothing.

The scariest thing was Jess telling me that there isn’t anything that can be done. With no evidence — or even suspicion — that Tom’s broken any laws, the police won’t get involved. Jess gave me details for who to call and what to do if Tom refuses to leave or gets violent again. And she’s advised me to make sure I record everything.

That’s why tomorrow I’m going to go to a specialist shop on the outskirts of London which sells covert recording equipment. It means I’ll be able to store a day’s worth of recordings on a tiny chip hidden inside a pen, a plug socket or a photo frame. It all sounds ridiculous saying it, but Jess is right: I need to protect myself. If anything happens, or if Tom gets violent, everything will be recorded and can be used against him.