I look for the attachment, but there is nothing. I reload my email several times to see if it could have been sent after or filtered out of my inbox, but nothing. Supernova. I’ve heard the word before but can’t discern its meaning off the top of my mind. I feel suddenly, entirely sober. I sit in the hushed silence of the apartment for a long time, hesitating over the email. The fact that she refers to an attachment and then doesn’t attach it seems strange. What if Anton went back there and surprised her, furious after being questioned by the police and killed her? Or what if she’s about to end her own life? Now it really is too late. Everything is lost. To me, these sound like the words of someone in an agitated state of mind, someone who has planned something.

That she mentioned Carúpano brings me an instant chill, a nervous tremble to my stomach, like the flicker of a tiny bird’s wings. Could it be that she has been snooping around in my personal life, and thinks she’s uncovered something she wishes to discuss with me. Leah clearly has no concept of how potentially damaging this could be. Or… could it be that she’s written about me the way she wrote about Anton, isn’t that what she’s implying? I feel a wild surge of fury. How dare she?

I open Chrome on my browser and type ‘Supernova’. After ten minutes of scrolling through websites from NASA to Wikipedia, I have learned that a supernova is the phenomenon of a star exploding spectacularly. The images of dying stars are beautiful and intriguing, their brightness sometimes reaching a billion times that of the sun. A supernova is the biggest explosion humans have ever seen, says NASA. The original star is completely destroyed, says Wikipedia. In obliteration, supernovae can outshine an entire galaxy, according to space.com. A beautiful death, I think to myself, picturing luminous, technicolor destruction drenching the dark corners of space with its light. I study the images, trying to still my racing heart and figure out why Leah referred to this phenomenon. Is this what she was getting at, comparing herself to a star whose death is both powerful and awe-inducing?

I called it Supernova because that’s the word that comes to mind when it comes to you and me…

I consciously calm myself down slightly by reminding myself that the event she is referring to – Carúpano – is hardly a secret, there is nothing she could find out about me or my past that isn’t a click away on the internet. And Elisabeth is dead.