I look around the room at the strangely blurred outlines of the furniture – I can’t see much without my contact lenses. I switch on the radio and Soft Classics fills the room – perfect for early mornings and perfect for sex, though I certainly have more of the former than the latter these days. I close my eyes again, listening to Einaudi, running through the various options for today in my head. I don’t particularly want to go to the brunch, but I have absolutely nothing else to do. My thoughts return to last weekend, to the rainy beach walk in Drøbak with Camilla and the kids – it’s where I’d usually go on a weekend when Eirik is away or working. I could go today; it might be fun to tag along with the kids trick-or-treating, it’s Halloween. But at the thought of the drive down to Drøbak and back, something tightens in my throat and I swallow hard to dislodge it. Up until August, I would always stop in at Villa Vinternatt on my way home and sit in the rose garden with Elisabeth. I’ll never go there again, never again listen to the pleasant rise and fall of her soft voice, or see her fresh, sweet face.

I suppose I could hop on the train out to Sandvika and see my mother again, I felt bad for being abrupt with her earlier in the week. I’d have to pay my dues with Elisabeth’s mother, but deep down I know I just can’t. Not yet.

I pick up my phone to message the girls, saying I can’t make it; the idea of sitting among them at Delicatessen, day-drinking and gossiping and discussing their toddlers’ remarkable achievements fills me with instant dread. But maybe it won’t be like that, maybe it will actually be fun – something to do that has nothing to do with Elisabeth or Leah or the fact that my marriage and my entire life is on hold until after the elections. Something that might take my mind off the anxiety and persistent dejection I’ve been feeling. It’s been so long since I did something sociable, just for fun, not for Eirik’s campaign or a work-related conference. I remember last night and how good it was to speak to Eirik about what’s been going on, and I know he’s absolutely right – I have to let go now.