Do you ever think about how his life turned out?

He, too, must return to that night. For the first time, I try to imagine what his life might be like, and find that I can’t. Another blank. What game is Leah trying to play?

Tears are flowing down my face and I snuggle closer to Eirik. I’m facing him now and though the light is dim, my eyes are used to the dark and I can make out the outlines of his peaceful face. His hair is cut shorter than usual, and I realize I haven’t noticed this until now. His eyelashes are long and fluttering slightly as his eyes shuttle back and forth beneath his closed eyelids. His jawline, which was always strong and clearly defined, has softened slightly, and this makes me feel a flush of empathy for him. All those late nights at the office, too many dinners out of a delivery box. And all the while, I’ve been at home, waiting and waiting with dinner, until I inevitably give up and eat alone, scrolling on my phone. I don’t mind so much most of the time, I’m used to it by now, but lying here like this, next to my husband in the dark, I am filled with such conflicting emotions.

I am overwhelmed by relief and gratitude that he managed to find me and came straight here. What would this night have been like without him? I also feel that deep, constant love for him that I’ve been able to hold on to throughout the years of our relationship and marriage – fourteen now. And I feel something else, something new and frightening. Looking at my sleeping husband, I feel a sliver of fear run through me for how little we actually know of another person, how little we can ever know of what goes on inside their head. Life, and love, are like therapy sessions at the end of the day – we only know what someone says and shows. But what about the things they choose to hide, and go to great lengths to keep hidden?