I slam the MacBook shut so hard the sharp sound makes me jump. I take a few moments to recenter myself in my unfamiliar surroundings. It’s okay, I tell myself, but my heart is pounding and my hands tremble. In the minutes it took me to read Leah’s words, everything I believed about our relationship and our journey into therapy, have come undone. She’s betrayed me in the most fundamental way. The relationship between therapist and client necessarily has to be confined to the therapy room, and the therapist’s personal life and preferences need to remain unavailable to the client. This is difficult for a lot of people, as the bonds forged are so deep and the intimacies shared so life-changing. To think that Leah blatantly disregarded the explicitly stated boundaries of our relationship and followed me around is profoundly disturbing. Had I known, I would likely have had to end our working relationship.

I try to determine whether there were any signs of her becoming unusually preoccupied with me, or especially interested in my personal life. She asked a few questions here and there; most people do. Right at the beginning, she would sometimes blush deeply and become visibly embarrassed by some of the things she’d tell me, especially if they were of a sexual nature. But there wasn’t anything she did that set off any alarm bells or gave me any cause for real concern, at least not in terms of our therapeutic relationship.

I try to channel my feelings of empathy for Leah Iverson, for the person she is, a client I have always looked forward to seeing, and though it doesn’t come easily, this situation is clearly complicated and Leah is very disturbed, significantly more than I was aware, it would seem.

Still, she betrayed me. I have the sensation that the relationship between us, the single most important aspect of the therapeutic process, has not only been irrevocably compromised, but also that it might have always been different altogether than how I subjectively perceived it.

I get up, still unsteady on my feet, but my mind is razor sharp. It seems to mean that Leah intended me to read Supernova, whatever this is, only in the event of something happening to her. But what did she think might happen to her?