The restaurant is cozy and resembles a log cabin, its walls laden with deer heads and skis and black-and-white pictures of old Swedes. Our server’s name is Marta, and she has a thick northern accent, reminding me of the movie Fargo. The Swedish pancakes are thinner than your typical flapjacks, but they’re filling, and the lingonberries are so tart and delicious that it would be a disservice to cover them with maple syrup. (Even though, as a proper native Michigander, I could easily eat pure maple syrup with a spoon.)

The best part? No cameras, no directors, no Lyle. Only two old friends eating pancakes. Two good buddies, sitting across from each other in comfortable companionship and definitely not thinking about the other buddy naked. And most definitely not fantasizing about the B&B calling to say they messed up the reservation and only have one room available instead of two.

Shelby heads off to use the restroom and my phone buzzes with a notification, shaking me out of my reverie. I’m half expecting it to actually be the B&B, but it’s Kevin.

KEVIN: Slow night if you want to come down and watch the Tigers/Sox game on the big screen.

I grimace, scratching my beard while considering how to respond.

CAMERON: Can’t. Last minute trip to the U.P. w/ Shelby to check out some massive flea market.

After hitting Send I mentally count to ten and sure enough, my phone lights up. I glance toward the bathroom.

KEVIN: What?

KEVIN: Wait. What?

I inwardly groan.

CAMERON: It’s not a big deal. It’s a work thing.

KEVIN: You’re on a weekend getaway up north to go antiquing. It doesn’t get cozier than that, my friend.

KEVIN: Beth just smacked my arm and asked, “Why don’t you ever take me antiquing?!” Case. In. Point.

My face flushes hot under my beard and my eyes dart to the bathroom. Still no Shelby.

CAMERON: It’s for work. For the show.

KEVIN: Are they filming you?

CAMERON: No.

KEVIN: Are you being paid?

CAMERON: Obviously not.

KEVIN: Are you staying in a hotel? Separate rooms?

CAMERON: Separate rooms, yes. Hotel, no. It’s some B&B Shelby likes that she ALWAYS stays at.

KEVIN:…

KEVIN:…

KEVIN: I’m sure the B&B is very “professional” and you will be very busy not having sex for the duration of your business trip. May God have mercy on your gonads.

CAMERON: You’re a dick.

KEVIN: Sorry.

CAMERON: No, you aren’t.

KEVIN: No, I’m not. Beth made me say that.

CAMERON: I have to go. Shelby’s back and we have a ways to drive yet.

KEVIN: I’m not there to be your wingman, but I have it on good authority few girls can resist when you sing “Best Girl,” it has at least a 90% success rate.