I reach for the door and turn the handle before stepping back and turning a last time. In the dim light, it looks almost like her eyes are shiny, but I don’t want to know for sure.

“The thing is,” I say, my voice a croak. “It’s not the same, but it feels like it is. With us, it always feels like the same old missed connections. Maybe we should listen to them for once.”

For better and for worse.

I step out into the cold air, feeling it sharp against my burning skin, and shut the door behind me. Leaving her again.

10

SHELBY

TEENAGE DREAM

I found a place.

—C

My stomach does a flip-flop as I read the note before searching out his eyes on the crowded World According to Jackson set. I find them instantly, summer green and loaded with intention, and nibble my bottom lip, nodding once. His answering smile is blinding even across the room. My smile, I think. The secret smile Cameron Riggs reserves for me.

Our on-set choreographer, Jackie, pulls him aside to review the coming dance sequence and I tuck his words into my back pocket, keeping them safe. I’m in the next scene, so I slide in front of the glowing hair-and-makeup mirror, practically dancing in my seat, unable to sit still. My makeup artist, Shandra, is busy yelling over her Bluetooth to one of her three kids and I tune her out as she fixes me up, automatically covering my flushed cheeks and blemishes. She can’t do anything to dim the wild look in my eyes, though.

Tonight, I think with a giddy kick. It’s going to happen tonight. Cameron and I have been stealing kisses for months, hiding out in dressing rooms and trailers. It’s been all laughing whispers and fumbling hands between us, and it’s been perfect. He’s perfect. So sweet and cute and talented. God, his voice is like buttercream frosting and ice cream and everything yummy.

I wonder if it will hurt; I’ve read it sometimes hurts.

My face flushes at the thought and I squeeze my knees together. Even if it hurts, it will be worth it. I want to do this with him. Take this step. Give myself to him—lose myself to him, completely.

The set has been unbearable today. Lyle’s been flubbing his lines a million and a half times in the daydream sequence, and I swear he’s doing it on purpose. Even ever-patient Cam seems frustrated with him.

Or is that sexually frustrated? I wonder with a jittery zing that goes straight to places hidden from everyone but him. Cam’s hand brushes against my arm and I almost jump out of my skin. He shoots me a surprised glance that quickly turns to a smirk. I stick my tongue out and his eyes zero in on my mouth.