“Or like a kid sneaking behind a producer’s back.”

“That,” I agree.

“And he does want that?”

I shrug, nodding my head, feeling a renewed sense of humiliation. “When I tried to stop us, he got upset. Said it was a mistake. Practically leaped out the door, leaving me there in the dark. Again.” I bury my burning face in my hands, mumbling, “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Oh no.” Maren’s hands come around me. “You aren’t.”

“Jesus, Maren. I am. This is the third time this man has walked away from me. I need to have some fucking self-respect. Or self-preservation. Whatever.”

Lorelai looks shrewd.

“What?” I ask. “Spit it out. You’re wrong, though.”

She shrugs a single shoulder. “Maybe,” she says when her tone is so obviously “But I’m not.”

“What am I missing?” asks Maren, her eyes darting between us. “I haven’t met this guy yet. You have to spell it out for me.”

Lorelai purses her lips.

“Go ahead,” I say. Lorelai says a lot of things I don’t want her to, but she’s also an incredible judge of character. She sees under the surface. It’s part of what makes her such a powerful songwriter. Her takes are gutting, but usually in a good way.

I have a feeling this is not going to be one of those “good way” situations, though.

“You keep saying he’s leaving you behind—” she says, leading.

“Yeah. We had sex, he quit the show, and moved back home. We didn’t have sex, he left me, hopping the first flight out. We kissed, and I didn’t want to have sex against a wall at our job, and he rushed out of the house like his pants were on fire and I was holding a spray bottle of lighter fluid.”

Lorelai spreads her hands along the countertop. “I guess I’m not sure he’s leaving so much as running.”

I scowl.

“Same difference.”

“Is it, though? Cameron Riggs doesn’t strike me as someone who’s careless with others’ feelings. Lyle? Sure. Definitely. And since the two of them make up your entire dating history…”

“Hey!” I say, defensive. “I’ve dated other—”

Lorelai pins me with a skeptical look and continues, “I don’t think you have a real healthy understanding of the difference.”

“And you do?”

“Oh.” Lorelai’s smile is sardonic. “I know the difference. This isn’t about me, but believe me when I say, Drake Colter knew the difference, too.”

Maren nods. “Have you and Cameron ever actually talked about what’s happened between you in the past?”

“Of course.”

“So,” Lorelai says, folding her arms across her chest. “You’ve told him he was your first love?”

“Not that. It makes me sound like a kid—”

“But you’ve told him how you ended up with Lyle because he left you?”