She was numb as Mario helped her up, finding her clothes, buttoning her dress, like a parent with a sick child.

‘It may not be so bad,’ he said. ‘From what you have told me, he is a strong man.’

‘Yes.’ She looked at him, ill from the pain of leaving.

‘Carlotta, I know he needs you now. But we have found something . . .’

The tearing sensation of parting was excruciating, and the guilt of having left Jan, of not wanting to go back to him, was as bad. She swallowed a sob and clung to Mario.

‘I don’t want to go back. I’m so frightened I’ll never escape from there. But even if we never meet again—’

‘We will meet again, cara. What we have found is only a beginning. I believe we are meant to be together. We will write to each other, and you will promise that you will not give up or forget?’

She promised, but the cold wash of reality was already sluicing away her joy. She reached up to Mario and kissed him one last time.

‘Let me drive you,’ he said.

‘No. I’ll take a taxi to Sergio’s. I could not say goodbye again. In front of others. Now is the best time.’

They stood together for a few moments, embracing, whispering to one another, memorising every line of face, curve of flesh, nuance of voice. Then she phoned the reception desk for a taxi.

In the white, antiseptic ward in Bulawayo she drew up the chair and sat down again beside her husband, trying to banish the memories of passion and completeness she had felt with Mario. What had she been thinking of, anyway? There could never have been a happy ending to this holiday romance. He would return to Italy and file her away in his mind as an enjoyable interlude, something that had soothed his grief, filled the void of his own loss for a short time. She had gone into the affair willingly, without considering the inevitable outcome, and now she must put it aside and tend to her husband. It was over.

She lifted Jan’s hand, and said aloud, ‘I’m here, Janni, if you want another sip of water. I’m right here.’

He turned his head and his fingers closed over hers. Like shackles. She tried to smile as he opened his eyes.

Chapter 29

Kenya, February 1966

When she arrived at Buffalo Springs, Sarah was light-headed with relief. The heavy presence that had dogged her for so long seemed to evaporate in the afternoon heat, leaving her free to make adjustments. There was no pressure on her to tread carefully, to watch every word she said, or to try and conceal her thoughts. Dan had met her at Nanyuki, sympathy recognisable on his thin face and in the firm grasp of his hand as he greeted her.