Jeanette felt the trembling increasing, and was overcome by nausea. She didn’t want to throw up; she wanted to keep the tablets down so that they could begin to take effect before they got out of her system. Instead, she lay down on the bathroom mat with a towel over her. Couldn’t she be allowed to sleep? Just drift off from it all and never wake up again?

But the new thought refused to leave her. She was shaking so much that she was jolting about as she lay on the floor. Her teeth were chattering. And here came the tears too. She cried into the towel so that it wouldn’t be audible, but she couldn’t stop the tears. Not once had she realised the great betrayal.

Peter had convinced her it was reasonable to leave a man who had been in a serious accident to die. He had convinced her to do it—against her own instincts. Because he wanted to steal two holdalls filled with cash. Jeanette hadn’t been and still wasn’t interested in the money. But she had done what Peter had told her to do, for his sake and for love and for the sake of their mutual future. She was his accomplice and just as guilty, with the difference that she felt much worse about what they had done. The only thing that had kept her going was the dream of Peter—the dream of a life together with him.

And now he was gone. Taking all the money with him. She didn’t care about that, but it was just as much hers. Peter hadn’t been able to withstand temptation—for him, money clearly meant more than love, and Jeanette had just been an obstacle in his path.

He had disappeared into thin air, wearing the clothes and shoes he had been wearing that day, leaving the car, his passport, his toothbrush and suitcase at home—all of them things that could be obtained elsewhere with money. He had created an unsolvable mystery around his disappearance, broken hearts, and left behind fatherless children.

That was why he had kept her hopes up with his loving promise that they would soon meet. Because he knew that by the time of the meeting, he would already be gone and after that it wouldn’t matter what Jeanette did. Her loyalty made no difference to him—she could go to the police and confess if she wanted, but it wouldn’t affect him. Only her.

Cynical, ruthless—the betrayal was enormous. How would she manage to go on living after this?

37. Kerstin

37

Kerstin