But Sandra shook that feeling off—she was satisfied with her efforts thus far and wanted to believe that she had exhausted him. That she had got her confession, even if it didn’t exactly contain an apology. It seemed as if she were going to get her rightful support after all—that was admission enough.

She decided she would give him a week. If the money wasn’t in her account by then she would take further steps, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to. She had other, more important things to do.

43. Jeanette

43

Jeanette

WHEN SHE OPENED her eyes, she was in hospital. It was a sober observation, and Jeanette didn’t want to be sober. She didn’t want to be awake either, or in hospital. She had planned to be somewhere else by now, so she shut her eyes and took her leave again.

The next time she woke up, her gaze fell on Lubbi and Nanna who were each sitting in a chair by the bed, talking in low voices. As soon as he spotted that she was conscious, Lubbi leaned forward and took her hand.

“We’re here, sweetheart,” he said softly. “No need to be afraid.”

Jeanette sighed and switched her gaze to an undefined spot up on the ceiling. She had nothing to say. Why couldn’t everything just stop? That would have been an adequate end to the whole thing.

“Do you believe in God and heaven and all that?” Lubbi asked.

Jeanette shook her head without looking at him.

“Then I suggest you stay down here with us. We’re here for you—you know that. And we’re not going to let go of you that easily.”

“How . . .?” Jeanette whispered.

But she couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence—she wasn’t really that interested in the answer.

“How did we know?” said Lubbi. “We probably saw the same thing you did, I guess. It was Nanna who . . . We tried to call, but you weren’t picking up. So we went round to yours. Knocked on the street door, shouted and made a fuss until the neighbours came out and asked what was going on. But you still weren’t answering. It felt bad.”

“I’m a deep sleeper,” Jeanette said quietly.

She thought to herself that it was a real spectacle she had caused, given that she had tried to be anonymous in that block of flats where suspicious looks followed her whenever she came and went. Couldn’t a person be left in peace?

“The bottle was empty, Jeanette. Don’t lie—not to us. I thought you’d quit that shit?”

“I just needed . . . to calm down a bit.”