And prepare yourself to witness great pain; once the floodgates have opened and the victim begins talking, you will be submerged under overpowering pain.

To the Victim

Are you being flooded with memories right now yourself? Are you an adult victim of Child Sexual Abuse who has never spoken to anyone before this? You are not alone, this book proves it to you. And you understand now that it was not your fault, don’t you; it was not your fault at all.

Perhaps you have come till this page with enormous anger, that this has happened to you possibly because your abuser might have been abused himself or herself. Perhaps you are disturbed that this is an attempt to show up your perpetrator in a ‘humane’ light.

It is not.

Be rest assured that your perpetrator, even if he or she has been sexually abused as a child, is still slime; he is absolutely despicable. What the perpetrator does, no matter what the cause, is not right; nothing justifies Child Sexual Abuse, nothing exonerates a child’s abuser.

What you could do, instead, is please think of those truly special men and women who have been sexually abused in childhood, who are not sexually abusing children in turn. They may be reading this book alongside you. As would those people who fortunately for them have never been scalded by Child Sexual Abuse nor would they ever even think of sexually abusing children. These are all good people; please remember—even as you hurt as much as you do—that our country is still a safe place for children because of such good people.

Do you have anyone whom you can turn to right now—a good friend of either sex perhaps whom you would like to talk to before you decide whether you want to see a counsellor? If you have no one at all, for the moment try deep breathing. Very deep breathing, like in yoga, will help; pranayama, this breathing is called, is a life force. Books and cassettes are available on the subject; for this moment you can simply breathe out with a hiss from your nostrils while keeping your mouth closed; then breathe in with another audible sound. When you breathe out, your tummy should go inside, when you breathe in, your tummy should come out as your lungs fill with oxygen. Please do this very slowly, you might feel dizzy otherwise.

If you are alone, it is perfectly all right, nothing can harm you. If you have people around you, that is all right too. But if you have suddenly come in as a blocker, please create an additional small space in your home for yourself. Just a special chair in a special place, a colourful cushion which you like, anything; this is your safety space which you must use as the memories start. At this point, you must start watching your intake of cigarettes and alcohol. Feel equally free to start dropping what is not essential in your life, this includes unsupportive people who have always vexed your spirit. Pray, not too hard, just simple mental chats with God; and soon enough this too will pass because your most frightening thoughts of today will by tomorrow be those of yesterday. And tomorrow will not be the same as it is right now.