• depression, anxiety, sleeping difficulties, eating disorders, self-harm, alcohol and drug dependency
• a feeling of isolation, alienation, distrust, fear of men, repeated victimization in adult relationships and difficulties in relationships with their own children
• avoiding sex, or on the other hand, promiscuity, prostitution.

What would you do if such a blocker was your friend and she, or he, had the kind of ‘flashback’ which the lady had about the driver’s eyes in front of you?

This may sound incredible but the blocker has come to you and spoken because she is ready to heal. Flashbacks are a very important part of healing.

What will you do?

You will really have to see if this blocker needs professional counselling. She, or he, may not. But if she, or he, does, you would be a friend if you found her a counsellor and then went along with her. Adult survivors of contact or hard-spectrum Child Sexual Abuse need specialized handling because it is, at once, about the adult and the child in that adult. Please do not try any pop psychology, and please do not take her to any support group of which you may be a part. There is a very real danger of her becoming dependant on the support group and seeing it as an end unto itself instead of one of the means to an end. Besides, no matter how enabling your support group is to you, it is not the exit route for a victim of Child Sexual Abuse even if the head of the support group has been sexually abused herself, or himself, in childhood. Adult victims of Child Sexual Abuse need one-to-one counselling and they need it by people who have been trained to handle the subject.

Meanwhile, listen to this friend, just listen to her without judging her. A thought is going o filter through your mind if she tells you the building’s lift man sexually abused her—yeah right, so what was she doing when the lift man was lifting her uniform? She was in terror, that was what was happening, this child in a lift whose door glides shut and the lift starts going down into this dark chute of a tall building and she is trapped in a small metal cage with a man who senses that she can be comfortably victimized, or re-victimized since that happens to a lot of children. He can smell her fear, no one can hear her silent scream.

So don’t judge, just listen. This may be the very first time she is disclosing her secret even if she does it almost dispassionately. There are so many very silent victims of Child Sexual Abuse in India today who need someone to hold their hand and point out that it is now safe, that what happened was in the past. That it was not their fault. Repeat it to them: it was not your fault. If you think you can assist them, until you can get them to a good counsellor, please stretch your imagination. You may find it very difficult to believe some of the things which will be said.