Child psychologists suggest the write-it-down or draw-it-out technique. There is much healing power in the written word, several children as also adults are known to disclose their sexual abuse by writing it down. Write about that experience as it happened; you smelt cigarette on his breath, write about it; you heard the television in the next room, write that too; put down every sensory detail you can remember. Write as much as you want, write as little as you want. Write it from the middle, from the end, from the beginning. If you don’t remember completely what happened, write what you do remember. You will come to parts that are too difficult or too painful, try and write them down. If it is still too difficult, write that you cannot write it. If you write for too long and start to ramble, bring yourself back gently. Write for as long as you want, take as many breaks as you want. Take as long as you want.

Now go away from what you have written.

Come back later, some other day, some other time.

Add to it if you want, do not cut out anything you have already written.

Do you think you have got it all down? No? Take some more time, complete it.

Then burn it. Burn all of it, a nice little bonfire of that which bothered you so much.

If you have decided to speak to a friend about it, that’s fine; you suffered alone as a child, you do not have to do it again. But please remember that you need to speak to someone who will listen to you, as in really listen. So when you are considering whether to speak or not, or whom to speak to, ask yourself the following questions:

• does this person care for and respect me?
• does this person have my well-being in mind?
• is this someone I have been able to discuss feelings with before?
• do I trust this person?
• do I feel safe with this person?

Once you have chosen, tell this friend that there is something personal and vulnerable that you want to share. Ask when is a good time to talk, point out that you need a little time, not a mere five minutes between appointments. When you do talk, feel free to tell your friend whether you want to be asked questions, whether you want advice or not, whether you just want to talk, talk, talk for now. And tell your friend this is in confidence; if you decide that other people should know, you will choose the time and person.

Talk. Talk to your friend. Liberate yourself from an environment which encourages silence—specially from women and children—as culturally correct.

Talk and you will find that such telling can be transformative, even for the non-blockers. Ellen Bass and Laura Davis in their book The Courage to Heal point out why:

• you move through the shame and secrecy that keeps you isolated
• you move through denial and acknowledge the truth of your abuse
• you make it possible to get understanding and help
• you get more in touch with your feelings
• you get a chance to see your experience, and yourself, through the compassionate eyes of a supporter
• you make space in relationships for the kind of intimacy that comes from honesty
• you establish yourself as a person in the present who is dealing with the abuse in her, or his, past
• you join a courageous community of women, and men, who are no longer willing to suffer in silence
• you help end Child Sexual Abuse by breaking the silence in which it thrives
• you, eventually, feel proud and strong