The previously packed space is almost empty save for a few stragglers browsing the shelves in the romance section. The store is reminiscent of a frat house after a rager. Dani and Jess, my part-time employee, are collecting the folding chairs we grossly underestimated the need for and stacking them in the corner. Display tables are rummaged through and look more like an eyesore than a selling point. Quiet conversation lingers, excitement from a night with a famous author still buzzing in the air.

“Did Jasper answer all of the questions you had planned for him?” I ask as we get closer to the nook, where I know all the Dirty Birds have assembled.

“Oh, you have no idea,” she says without glancing my way. “He’s been more than accommodating.”

Alarm bells start to go off in my head, warning me to run and hide until the end of time, but it’s too late. By the time the full extent of the incoming disaster registers, Ethel’s bright smile is aimed right at me while Mona and Vivian are fawning over a very handsome man in a turtleneck and blazer.

“Oh, there you are!” Ethel pushes out of her rocking chair, moving toward me faster than I’ve ever seen her move in her sensible kitten heels. “We’ve been looking for you.”

Collette is over whatever act she was forced to put on to get me out here. She rolls her eyes and deflates into her chair with an exasperated sigh. She’s like a caricature of an old lady, and it’d be amusing if I didn’t sense a massive setup happening.

“You have? I’ve been working in the back.”

If there’s one thing you learn being around a group of older ladies, it’s that meddling isn’t something that just happens out of happenstance.

No, no, no.

A lot of effort, planning, and logistics go into it. And as Mona’s voice rises above the rest, I realize I have been played and played hard.

“Wasn’t tonight so wonderful?” Mona leans into Jasper. “Our Drew here has done such a wonderful job with this store, taking over for our dear Alice. Did she tell you? She’s so humble, I doubt she’s told you everything she’s done here.”

Jasper, the poor, sweet man, nods and gives Mona an indulgent smile before turning his gaze to me. I’ve been on the receiving end of a look of pity. I have a dad who all but abandoned me for the new model and am living in the aftereffects of a dead loved one. But the one he gives me? With that perfect face and beautiful eyes? Nothing has ever been worse. All I want to do is run and squeeze my adult ass into the reading cubby in the kids’ section.

Or move to Mexico.

Mexico seems like a good option.