“Thank god. My hand is starting to cramp,” Jude moans beside me. “I thought people signed this stuff over the computer now? Did you know they aren’t even teaching kids cursive anymore? I wonder what Addy’s signature is going to—ouch!” She finally stops talking and glares at me for kicking her beneath the table. If she’s expecting me to feel bad, she’s going to be waiting awhile because I don’t. Not even a little bit.

HGTV has really tricked people into believing that house hunting is this joyful experience where the only downside is the previous owner’s terrible taste in wallpaper. And maybe it is when you have unlimited funds and don’t have to worry about all the ways your five-year-old could possibly conduct a vault flip off the loft railing or mistake the terrible green paint for a chalkboard she can deface.

So after weeks of looking and lowering our standards until I’m not sure they could get much lower, the last thing I need is for Jude’s complaining to throw a wrench into everything when we’re one signature away from finally crossing the finish line.

“We’ll sign as many papers as you want. We’re just so grateful to live in your beautiful property.” I sign my name on the final line and push the paper over to Jude—who is still glaring at me. I’m definitely the suck-up between the two of us. And I’m good with that. “Adelaide hasn’t stopped talking about how she wants to decorate her room or asking if the cookies she had when we toured the house will be there too.”

“Oh, the pleasure is all mine.” She takes the document from Jude, a wide smile spreading across her face. Probably from knowing how much money she’ll be making off a condo she no doubt paid off ten years ago. “It can be so hard finding the right people to rent to in this city. But the last lesbian couple I rented to was so nice and respectful, I was thrilled when your family walked through the door.”

My eyes nearly pop out of my head as I register her words, but Jude, my very reactive and not at all measured best friend, almost comes out of her seat. “Oh my god, what? No!” There’s no masking the shock in Jude’s voice. I’m not sure if I should laugh along or be offended she’s so horrified at the idea of kissing me. “I mean, not that I haven’t swum in the lady pond once or twice, but never with Lauren. She’s my best friend, we’re practically sisters. Gross.”

Okay.

Not offended. Just wildly embarrassed.

Thank god this happened after we finished signing the paperwork and the condo can’t be revoked.