“My boy, well, you know how boys are.” She shakes her head and I feel sorry for her. I should drop by more often. Her son has visited exactly once the whole time I’ve been next door and he lives about a ten minute car ride away.

“Thanks, Mrs. Robbins. Maybe when I’m back we can go get lunch or something.”

“I’d like that.”

I say goodbye, give Pepper a big hug and walk back out into the yard. I take the exit opposite the one to my house which leads to the alley behind our street. From there, I put my hood up and walk quickly away from the house, taking the long way to the bus station. I buy a ticket to Asbury Park, where my parents live.

The bus doesn’t leave for another hour so I order a cup of tea at the café and wait. I don’t bother to call my parents because they’re not home. They always spend this part of winter with my aunt in Arizona. The house will be empty, which is what I want.

I watch the passing cars on the drive and when I get to the bus station, I take a taxi to the house. It’s too far to walk and the drive takes twenty minutes. My parents live right on the water, it’s a beautiful small cottage they bought a few years ago. I pay the taxi driver and carry my bag around to the back of the house, unlock the kitchen door, walk inside. I set my bag down and the familiar smell washes over me and it feels safe here. It’s silent, completely still, and I don’t switch on the lights as I walk upstairs to the room I stay in when I visit. There, I turn on the lights and close the curtains looking out onto the street. I get sheets from the linen closet and make the bed and, after brushing my teeth, I lay down to close my eyes. Maybe I can finally rest. Take a reprieve from what my life has become.

Because I need to figure things out.

Because I’m pregnant with Sergio Benedetti’s baby.

And as much as I love him, as much as it will hurt to walk away, how can I bring a baby into this sort of life?

I roll over onto my side, feel a tear slide over the bridge of my nose.

Am I foolish to think he’ll let me go, though? He’s the most possessive man I know. From day one, he owned me.

No, he won’t let me go. Not if he finds out.

He can’t ever learn about the baby. I can’t ever see him again.

“Mine. No matter what.”

I have to keep this secret from him because I will be more his than ever if he ever finds out about this baby.

24

Sergio