“Sergio. What the fuck? It’s four in the morning.”

“Listen.” I don’t recognize my own voice, it’s so low. So quiet. So broken.

He hears it too, I know from the emptiness in the line. “I’m listening,” he finally says.

“There’s a girl,” I start.

“A girl?”

“If anything happens to me, you’ll have to make sure she’s okay.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

“Just listen.”

“Are you fucking drunk?”

“No. Yeah. Maybe a little. Doesn’t matter.” I smear charcoal on my fingertip. Smear it to Natalie’s temple, create a shadow.

“Where are you?” he asks.

“Home.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah. Alone.”

“You need me to come over?”

“No, I’m fine. I just need you to shut the fuck up and listen now.”

“Okay. Tell me about the girl.”

I close my eyes, give my head a shake. What am I going to tell him? What can I say that will make any sense?

“Just make sure she’s okay.” Fuck. I’m definitely drunk.

“I’m coming over. You can make me fucking breakfast because it’s not even the ass crack of dawn.”

I chuckle. “No, it’s fine. Salvatore, it’s fine. I’m okay.” I take a deep, sobering breath.

“Then tell me about the girl. What’s her name?”

“Natalie. Natalie Gregorian.”

He repeats the name, then chuckles. “Dad’s going to give you shit she’s not Italian.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that.”

“How long have you known her?”

“A couple of days.”

He laughs. “She got you good, huh?”

“I like her, that’s all. Just if anything happens—”

“Nothing’s going to fucking happen to you so shut the fuck up. Don’t be a goddamned ass.”

I smile.

“Natalie Gregorian,” he says seriously, and I know that’s his way of telling me yes, he’ll make sure she’s okay if anything happens to me. “Why don’t you get some sleep now, brother.”

“Yeah.” I get to my feet. “Listen, sorry I woke you. I know you need your beauty rest.”

“Fuck you.”

“Hey, the stuff with mom—”

“She’s getting another opinion. Dad’s calling in some specialist from Germany.”

“Of course, he is.” He’s desperate. “It’s shitty.”

“Yeah it’s fucking shitty. Listen, you can’t think about it. You need to go have some fun. Take Natalie away for a weekend or something. Somewhere hot and sunny. You can’t always be in this shit, you know? Not you, Sergio. You need a fucking break.”

I know what he means, why he’s saying this. I’ve got the family graveyard laid out in front of me. Drawn over years. This darkness, it’s a part of me. And it’s not that it belongs to me. No. I belong to it. Always have.

“I’ll think about it.”

“All right. Get some sleep.”