THE SURGERY WAS A bilateral risk-reducing mastectomy with dermal sling and implant. The consultant explained that Grace would have to lose her nipples. He’d make an anchor incision and, to create a natural shape, the muscle would be moved over the implants as opposed to under.

‘Why do I have to lose my nipples?’ she’d asked. He mentioned something about them going southwards or floating. She didn’t understand even though she confirmed she did when he asked. He was hard to hear over the loud buzzing in her head. Later when calm and alone she researched it herself and she understood: her own nipples could end up facing the floor if she kept them – better to lose them and tattoo new ones on the right spot. They could even create nipple bobbles by pinching the skin, twisting then sewing, and once created they could tattoo around it. Nipple bobbling sounded pretty excruciating but maybe worth it. She’d think about that. It was something to be decided down the line.

It was six thirty in the morning. The sky was blue and at least two birds were chirping.

A big blue sky, your favourite – maybe that’s a good sign, Rabbit.

Better than fine, Grace, you’ll have the tits of a twenty-year-old, dead Rabbit said.

The hospital car park was empty save for the odd car scattered here and there. Grace sat in the passenger seat staring at the imposing grey building in front of her while Lenny was off getting a parking ticket. He came back and placed it in the window, mumbling something about being robbed. He slammed his door and waited for her to move but her legs were heavy weights and she couldn’t take her eyes off the building. He moved round to the passenger door and opened it.

‘Grace?’

‘Yes, love?’

‘It’s time to go.’

‘OK.’

She didn’t move. He hunkered down and took her hands. ‘We could wait,’ he said, and tears sprang into her eyes. ‘We could defer or something.’

She shook her head. ‘No.’

‘Grace, you can’t even get out of the car,’ he said.

‘So help me,’ she said through gritted teeth. He stood up and took a breath and nodded. He stretched out his hand and she grabbed it and he pulled and pulled and eventually she was standing and leaning on him. Her legs were like jelly but her spirit was determined.