He pulled the car into the side of the road, gripping onto the steering wheel.

‘But that doesn’t mean you’ll get cancer, right? You can’t just cut chunks out of yourself just in case – it’s madness.’ Lenny had seen the effect Rabbit’s mastectomies had had on her. He was there for the post-surgical infections, the nerve damage and the mental toll and she had been a warrior. Grace came apart having a bloody blood test.

She turned to him. ‘I just need to think,’ she said. He stared at his wife.

‘You need to think.’

‘Yes. Me. I need to think.’

‘Fine. You do that.’

He took the car out of gear and drove on. They didn’t speak after that.

Lenny sat up that evening watching highlights of a football match. Grace lay in bed alone, eyes wide open, contemplating the last days of Knockers Hayes.

Chapter Thirty: Molly

Chapter Thirty

Molly

MOLLY COULDN’T SLEEP THE night of her daughter’s funeral, but she kept her eyes screwed shut. She lay there beside the hot heaving lump that was her comatose husband. She unwound jumbled thoughts and reduced them to a series of succinct and searching questions.

Q: Why did I ever believe in God?

A: Because I was told to.

Q: Why did I pray?

A. Because I was told to.

Q: Have I ever experienced anything that supported my faith?

A: No.

Q: Have I ever experienced anything that challenged my faith?

A: Yes.

Q: Do I still believe?

A: No.

Q: What does that mean?

A: I don’t know.

Q: What do I know?

A: Life is unfair.

Q: What do I do about that?

A: I do what I always do. I fight.

Q: And then what?

A: I die.

Q: And then what?

A: Nothing.

I agree with you, Rabbit. Do you hear me, love? It’s all bollocks . . . Please, love, talk to me like you talk to Grace. She told me you won’t get out of her head. Talk to me. But Rabbit didn’t talk to her mother. She was gone and she took God with her. Sorry.

The following morning, Molly opened her tired eyes to face the world as a slightly different version of herself; a little less hopeful, a little more fierce. The change would be imperceptible to acquaintances but to those who knew her, the shift was mighty.

Part Four: Year One

Chapter Thirty-One: Juliet

Chapter Thirty-One

Juliet