“I never have,” he said quietly. “With anyone. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. I think about it a lot. It’s just something I wanted to wait to do with someone special. You are special, and maybe—probably, even—it’ll be you I want it to be with. But this isn’t about you or your body at all. You’re great. It’s about me and my body, and what I want for it. Does that make sense?”

“You’re demisexual,” I said. “Demi. You need the attachment before the sex stuff comes into play.”

“Yes, I think that’s a term I’ve read about and it sounds right. Does that help you understand?”

I was so relieved by the answer, I burst into tears. He shushed me quietly and scooted back onto my bed so he could haul me into his lap. He was as strong as he was tall and wide, and so I sat there, cradled and adored, with my boyfriend whispering in my ear how beautiful he thought I was, how everything was going to be okay, how much he looked forward to seeing me every day and how much he liked my family.

If the talks with my mother and grandmother hadn’t been enough to convince me that I didn’t need to consider Jack a part of the package deal with my baby, how cherished and cared for I felt in that moment would have.

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-One

Jack took his sweet time getting back to me. It wasn’t like he was ghosting me—he sent me a few brief messages to say hold tight, working on it and this is hard thanks for patience, but holding tight and patience were not my strong suits. I was eager to find out what he wanted to do. I assumed the holdup was that he hadn’t told his father yet, or that he had and they were losing their minds about it, but neither scenario was particularly reassuring. I did my best not to dwell, though, continuing along my gestational journey one cheeseburger at a time.

Which was a lot of cheeseburgers. I’d remained a big fan throughout the pregnancy, to the point I’d probably never want to say the word cow after Cass was born.

While I waited for Baby Daddy to get his crap together, I worked on getting myself into a Lamaze class. I couldn’t find an in-person place so late, but I was able to find an online class that’d help. Dr. Cardiff had warned me about them filling up fast. It’d just slipped between the cracks of high school and pregnancy and doctor’s visits and new boyfriend.

I was the busiest-not-busy person in the world.

I was okay with the online class, though. The less huffing and puffing I had to do in front of strangers, the better.