That look—hurt, confusion, and something else that mirrors the ache in my gut—nearly breaks my resolve. I don't stop her as she walks out, though every muscle in my body screams to follow her, to pull her back.

I just stand there, like a coward, listening to her footsteps fade, breathing in what's left of her. The room feels too empty now. The silence she leaves behind echoes with all the shit I couldn't say, with all the ways I wanted to reach for her but didn't.

12. Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones

CHAPTER 12

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES

NATE

April, 1994

7 years old

I squeeze my toy car really tight, my hands are sweaty against the plastic. Tomorrow's my birthday, but I don't feel happy like I should. Instead, my tummy feels funny and I’m scared because Daddy is yelling in the living room. He's never been this loud before. There's a big crash that makes me jump and hide under my blanket.

I peek through the little space where my door isn't closed all the way. Mommy looks really scared; her face all scrunched up weird.

Then Daddy hits Mommy, and she falls down crying.

My heart goes boom-boom-boom so fast it hurts. Jake's still sleeping in his room far away because he's just a baby, and I'm glad he can't hear all the scary noises.

I want to run out there and tell him to stop, like how superheroes do in my cartoons, but I'm too scared. Daddy doesn't look like my Daddy anymore—his face is all red and mean, and he's acting like the bad guys on TV.

"You want to lie to me again, Lydia? How fucking dare you. After everything I've done for you." Daddy's words are super loud and angry.

"Scott, please. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly. It shouldn't happen but it did." Mommy talks really quiet, like when I'm sick and she tells me stories to help me sleep.

"You're right, you weren't fucking thinking. But then again, you never do." Something else goes crash—it sounds like when I accidentally broke Mommy's favorite glass cup last summer.

"You will be sorry, Lydia, believe me. You will be."

When morning comes, Mommy wakes me up with a big smile that looks weird and wrong. She helps me put on my Superman shirt, because it’s my favorite. She keeps talking about how fun the party will be, but her eyes are all red and puffy like when she cries. There's a dark spot on her face that she tried to hide with her makeup stuff, but I can still see it.

"Mommy, you're sad."

"No, honey, I'm not sad. How can I be sad when it's my beautiful boy's seventh birthday today?” A tear falls down her face even though she's trying to smile.