I woke early. The apartment was cool. Silence save the beating of my own heart. A pounding headache paired with a sickness for which there’s no cure. An agony at dawn to top all the others and a weary wish that the day prior was nothing but a dream. But no, Carolyn’s spot along the wall was as stark as the day I had moved in. I grabbed my phone. No missed calls. I lay back down with the phone still in my hand. When I woke again, it was a little after noon. I dialed her number. Instead of her voicemail, as I had expected, there was a standard greeting telling me that the number had been changed. I couldn’t breathe, and my hands started shaking again. Or maybe they never stopped. I feared I might be having some sort of breakdown. I called Starbucks and asked for her by name.

“She doesn’t work here anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“She came in and quit this morning.”

“Do you know why?”

“Nope,” the girl said. “I didn’t talk to her.”

I hung up and went to the bathroom, hunched over the toilet, and heaved though nothing came up. Then I pressed my cheek against the porcelain seat just as I had the first morning at Jeff’s, months and months ago. Where was Carolyn’s home? Somewhere in Iowa. Iowa is a big state. I couldn’t remember the town. How in the hell could I not remember the name of the town Carolyn was from?

I went to the library and scanned through a list of every town and city in the state of Iowa, but not a single one was familiar. Then I searched by her last name. No results. Not a single result for the last name of Reyug in the entire state of Iowa. What else could I do? She didn’t use email. Her number had been changed. I couldn’t remember where she was from.

I left the library and navigated my way back to Starbucks. Maybe the person I had talked to had been instructed to tell me what she had and maybe Carolyn really was still there. When I arrived, I conjured up a smile and approached the counter. I could tell by the girl’s Southern accent that she wasn’t the one with whom I had spoken.

“Hi. I’m curious, is Carolyn Reyug working today?”

“Ya know, she was supposed to but she came in before we opened and quit, just like that,” she said with a heavy Southern drawl.

“You’re kidding me?”

“Well, no. I wish I was.”

“Any idea why?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t really know.”

I nodded and felt tears well up again. I couldn’t help it.

“I don’t suppose Holly is working now?”

Confusion crossed her face.

“There’s no one here by that name, I’m afraid.”