“Jhamal, lead them?! I don’t want to lead them, I just want us to remember who the real enemy is. And fight him. Fighting and leading aren’t the same thing, Jhamal.”

“What is a leader, but a person who fights for what they believe in?”

I sigh, exasperated. I don’t know what to say to that, so I scan the room. I don’t even know which clan my father was from. Surely that’s a basic expectation of someone elected to lead them.

The crowd has quieted some and I stand because I feel like I’m supposed to. My knees threaten to falter. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but there’s no way… no… not me. Kai’s eyes narrow, daggers of death at Jhamal. Is this what she’s been acting shady with me about? Does she think I knew this was happening? Her gaze moves to me and it’s as cold as ice. Okay, so yes, clearly.

“Now that we’ve all settled,” Bati goes on, and the swell of voices simmer. “As I was saying, Rue Jelani Akintola, of descendant Mother Ike Yakanna and Mishon Ide Beerchi…”

Wait, what?

Aasim was Beerchi? But his mother Yakanna? Not only do I have a clan… I share heritage between them both?

Oh my god.

Kai’s contempt of me makes even more sense. Like I’m a threat to her. No wonder Shaun hasn’t looked at me once since saying hello. They think I’m a threat to their claims. I wish they realized I’m not their competitor. But they don’t see it that way. Not now. Not with so much at stake. Kai’s eyes flick to Jhamal and her nostrils flare.

My stomach is in my throat.

“No,” I say, before Bati can even form the question. The silence screams and I dig a nail into my palm. “No, I don’t accept. I-I… this is not…” My palms sweat. I’m speaking out of turn. Both Kai and Shaun accepted their nomination, but a part of them, a huge part I’d guess, wants to be named Kowana. I don’t! I can’t have everyone looking at me for all the answers. I’m not cut out for that. Last time I tried…

Screams fill my ears and the battlefield plays on repeat in my head. No. Never again.

“No,” I repeat. “I do not accept.”

Shaun spits. “To be nominated is a great honor and high duty. You think this is a game?”

“N-no. I— You saw what happened out there. I’m not cut out for…” I hug the book I’m holding.