I had no idea the Ghizoni I met weren’t just one big group. It makes sense that there were clans within the tribe and that much of those delineations of their heritage dissolved over the years under the sheer stress of trying to survive.

I picture my father’s pencil locs and deep brown skin, the child he must’ve been, the way he met my mother, imagining a long life was ahead of him. Did he dream life outside the mountain could ever really happen again? Did he let his mind go there, or did reality bleed him of hope, whittle him down to the instinct to just survive? Did he pretend to be brave so I would be? Did he worry I’d fail? I have so many questions… that will never be answered.

Kai’s arm brushes mine as she directs us around a corner. “The exit up to the ground is just this way.” The next leg of the tunnel has a higher ceiling but is much less dusty, the floor a mix of hard pavement and dirt.

“You know,” she says to me. “My mother’s mother told me as she died that when she was a girl, she actually met Yakanna’s half sister.” Her cheeks push up under her olive-green eyes, sparkling with longing. “What a day that was, I cannot imagine.”

“I wish I could have met her. Mother Yakanna.” I wish I could have met lots of my father’s people. Known them, their stories. So much of my connection with my people here is instinctive. The Ancestors chose me to wield their magic… but what were they like? What stories did they gather ’round and tell on holidays? Did they go to they Grandma’s a certain day of the week like I grew up doing at Ms. Leola’s?

I study Kai’s arched brow and beautifully wide nose, my feet sliding over the patches of pavement. Her lips are full and her teeth, perfectly white. I don’t know if it’s her armor that makes her stand the way she does. But her shoulders are back, which almost forces her chin up. Even her gait oozes pride. The Ancestors probably look down on her with such joy.

I’ll never understand why they chose me.

I straighten my posture and try to imagine I could be like that, make them proud in the same way, but the only picture I can conjure in my mind is plumes of smoke rising from Yiyo.

Kai points and speeds up to a light jog. “It’s just there.”

I slow my pace to walk beside Bri, my mind still tarrying over Kai and her saisas. The way they moved in there, as a unit. Each having the other’s back. Their strength is in their togetherness, their unity.

“You okay?” Bri asks, but I can’t meet her eyes.