By the time I’m out of sight of everyone, it’s so dark outside, I can hardly see my hand in front of my face. I slip between branches, tugging my gown with me. It’s so heavy. All of this is so heavy. I straighten, determined to better carry the weight.

When I slip out of the patch of trees, I see it. The mound of dirt encircled with gold and flames I was looking for. The place we laid Jhamal to rest. I haven’t had a moment here, alone, by myself. The last time was for Kai. But this… this is for me.

Flames dance around the grave. I approach and its warmth stokes a tender part of me. I step through the flames and they snuff out a moment under the weight of my gown but rekindle once I’m inside the fire circle. I stare at my hands. Like my love for him, Jhamal’s fire will burn forever here. This is some of the best magic I’ve ever done.

I sit beside the raised grave and dirt soots up the hem of my gown, but I don’t care. My fingers trace the golden plaque affixed like a headstone, its words gleaming in the firelight.

JHAMAL KYNTE MALIX

NONE MORE LOYAL.

NONE MORE BRAVE.

I take off my crown, setting it beside me, and bunch up my skirt fabric to fashion a pillow. I lie down beside his headstone and trace circles in the dirt.

“I dreamed of you,” I say. “It was both of us at the ceremony. You set a cloak on my shoulders and said, ‘I told you so,’ when they crowned me.” I chuckle, wiggling to get more comfortable. “I’ve been thinking on what to do with Kai and Shaun. You have such wise counsel. So I thought I’d come here and just talk through it with you.” I press my face to the earth and imagine his hand stroking my hair. “That sound okay?”

Wind whistles through the trees and I let my eyes close.

Sleep must’ve taken me because it’s Julius who finds me for the Council meeting.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” I ask.

“Rue, I know you better than anyone. From everything you told me, it’s clear that dude loved the shit outta you. And you loved the shit outta him.” He smooths a tear from my cheek I didn’t know was there. “That’s gonna take some time. I get it.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

I slip my hand into his and we disappear back through the forest, my Queenly duties calling.

Six Weeks Later