Her fingers graze a gemmed pin on her bedside table. “When you came to this island and Jhamal was sure of who you would be, what you’d become, I accepted it. I believed you would be perfect.” She smirks. “You see the irony, don’t you? I thought you’d be everything I was sure I was. But as you made missteps, and people began to die, I saw the fractures in your exterior. I saw that you were not perfect, infallible. And—” She drops her head. “That is where my first misstep was…. I was sure I could never stumble the way you had. I was sure that I could do it better. I would….”

A tear drips from her chin. “So when the Chancellor offered me the opportunity to lead our people in this new version of Ghizon, offering freedom and annexation and all of these golden promises, I told myself I was doing the right thing. When he told me to break you out of prison and make it look like I fought my way in, I believed misleading you was the only way to hold on to the glittered vision of the future he’d promised. I was certain the sacrifices were necessary. I am Kainese, the Mother’s own. When Jhamal pressed that I should support you and I made him choose, he folded, and I took it as a sign from the Ancestors that this was the way. Funny how when we are blind we can interpret things any way that suits us. I told myself what I was doing was right. When I thought Shaun killed Doile, I told myself, ‘See? I am not like him.’ When I made Zora promise me”—her voice cracks and the hand at her lip trembles—“sh-she would gain your trust and tell me everything, I knew she would obey, because Zora believed if I was leading her a way, that must be the way. I told myself I was shepherding her like a good leader would.”

She inhales a shaky breath. “And when I saw her betray that blood oath… I knew the magic of the spell would slay her. But I told myself she did that to herself, not me.” She sobs and I wrap my arms around her. She is heavy on my shoulder, weeping.

“When Jhamal jumped in front of that dagger for you… when I knew he’d only pretended to support me, plotting and lying to me…” Her eyes harden. “That is not him, Jelani. I’ve known him since we were small. Jhamal’s heart is more pure than all our gold. So when I saw him do that… I-I…”

But she doesn’t finish. She paces the room a few times before settling back on the floor. I’m not sure what to say, so I keep quiet, give her space to process.

She huffs, meeting my stare. “It sounds so naive in hindsight, doesn’t it?”