“Jelani,” he says, and his words are soft as silk. But I don’t deserve to be wrapped in their comfort.

What happened to everyone? I sent them to the mountain. They couldn’t have all made it into Yiyo that fast, but still. How many survived? Are they still out there? How long have we been in here?

I grip Jhamal’s shirt. “Tell me what happened!” I don’t mean for it to come out like a yell but it does. He startles, biting his lip.

“I’m sorry for yelling.”

He sighs. “You—” The clang of our breakfast tray slapping the stone and sliding underneath the bars to our cell steals our attention. Breakfast Lady hovers a moment, eyes darting between us, before slipping a book out from her robes. She slides it between the grates. Jhamal hands back two hiding in a shadowed corner of our cell. She’s out of sight without a word to me.

“We should use this time to practice, my Queen, not dwell on things we can’t change.” He reaches for my fingers. His are warm and I remember how he worked over my wounds, put me back together, helped me heal. But I tug my fingers away, curling into myself. I need to get up, walk around. I wiggle my fingers, reaching for my magic, but only puffs of air float up from my fingers. What’s wrong with me? I hate this feeling. I hate feeling weak.

“It won’t work in here.” He runs his fingers across the bars of our prison cell. “These lead bars sedate magic. I overheard a guard say.”

Great, so I’m in prison, without the ability to use my magic, and I can’t quite remember how I even got in here?! I try to stand but my knees buckle. Jhamal catches me, and for a moment I let him be a wall around me. A wall against the storm raging through me. But even that sears after a moment.

“Thanks,” I say, pulling away from him and steadying myself on the wall. “I got it.”

I can’t even stand on my own two feet? I did this. I got us in here. Or I let the Chancellor do this? I-I should have fought harder or been smarter or listened to the Ghizoni in the forest when they wanted to think out a plan. But no, no, I had to storm out there and take him on myself. The guilt chokes and I slide down the wall to the floor, hugging my knees. Tears sting my cheeks, shredding everything inside me that used to beat with hope. I’ve saved one home but lost the other one.

Jhamal sits next to me, tucking his lip in understanding. His warmth soothes, but I can’t look at him. Not after what I’ve done.

“Jelani, I forgive you. You could not have known—”