When Kimmie got the text from Lolly that Nicholas had died, the first thing she did was call Natalia, but the phone number was suddenly and suspiciously out of service. She then checked Natalia’s Instagram and Snapchat accounts, but they were gone as well. Clearly the wine coolers at her going-away dinner were an ominous sign of the trouble to come. She wondered if Natalia had tried heroin with Nicholas, worrying that she might have OD’d, too, but she felt like she would have heard about it by now. Plus, Natalia had told Kimmie that heroin was the one drug she feared the most. Her mother had told her if she ever caught her daughter sticking a needle in her arm, she’d shave her head as punishment. Since Natalia’s favorite pastime was coloring her locks, that was reason enough to take her mother’s threats seriously.

Kimmie stubbed her cigarette out on the sidewalk, opened a pack of gum, and chewed several pieces at once. She waited on the corner for the walk signal and then she crossed the street, taking her time. What am I going to say to Dustin’s mom? What am I going to say when I see his dad? “Hello, sir, you don’t know this, but we were in the same apartment the last time you saw your oldest son alive. I heard you yell at him. I heard you reveal something that your other son asked you not to tell. I heard you say you were done with your son, and even if you hadn’t really meant it, you said the words and will never have the chance to take them back.” What am I going to say to Dustin? She knew she had to tell Dustin she was there in Arizona, hanging out with Natalia and his brother, but she really didn’t want to. This never would’ve happened if Vronsky hadn’t screwed me over. My god, why are you even thinking of that little punk right now?

Kimmie was really working hard on owning up to her own shit, but it was so easy to fall back into her childish habit of blaming everyone else for her problems. Why was it so hard to be the person she wanted to be? She’d felt so much better after she told Vronsky off that day. Her therapist had been proud of her for saying what she needed to say without too much drama, and she honestly hadn’t thought of Vronsky at all since then, which was a relief because that proved she had never really been in love with him like she had thought. True love lasted way longer than just two months, right?

She took a deep breath.