She had watched Miguel hand the frayed rope to the detective, and as it passed by her, she felt an ache in the back of her mouth as though she hadn’t eaten for days. Lieutenant Sales turned HOME SWEET HOME over in his hands. He placed it carefully on the kitchen table and Mrs. Mitchell saw the word Sweet. She remembered the milk she had made for the boy when he arrived, and sensed that this would not be the end of her. She could hear the steady breathing of her sleeping dog. She could smell the coffee. She felt the small frame of Miguel steady beneath her hand. These bones, she thought, were everything. Hey, sport, Mrs. Mitchell asked, is that for me? The boy nodded, and she held him close.

Reasonable Terms

reasonable terms

It began with a list of demands, presented to the zookeeper. This had taken some time to prepare. The giraffes had to explain their situation to one of the mountain gorillas in the neighboring pen, and after intense negotiations (a percentage of food to be delivered in three installments: one-third upon translation, one-third upon contact with the gorilla’s sign language tutor, and the final one-third upon receipt of the document), the giraffes had procured their list. In an appropriately dramatic gesture, their elected spokesanimal, Doë, approached the wire enclosure of their pen while the keeper was conducting a tour of the zoo for potential benefactors, and gracefully stretching her neck over the edge of the fence, she delicately laid the paper across the zookeeper’s balding head with her teeth.

At first the zookeeper tried to laugh off the incident as a prank played on him by one of his favorite animals. But as he began to glance over said document, his ears turned red and a blush crept up across his neck like a rash. In bold, stiff lettering that the sign language tutor, a vexed woman in her mid-thirties, felt was appropriate to the occasion, the letter made the following statement:

DEAR ZOOKEEPER:

BEING ONE OF THE BIGGEST ATTRACTIONS AT THE ZOO (PROVIDING EIGHT PERCENT OF NET GROSS INCOME YEARLY), AS WELL AS MAKING THE TOP TEN LIST OF FAVORITE ANIMALS THREE YEARS IN A ROW, WE, THE UNDERSIGNED, HAVE RESORTED TO THE ATTACHED LIST OF DEMANDS IN RESPONSE TO THE INACTION ON YOUR PART IN PREVIOUS NEGOTIATIONS, NAMELY: ENLARGEMENT OF PEN, ALTERATIONS IN DIET, AND VIOLATION OF PRIVACY ACT 76865 CODE E. IF OUR DEMANDS CONTINUE TO BE IGNORED BY YOUR OFFICE, WE WILL BE FORCED TO TAKE NECESSARY ACTION TO ENSURE OUR RIGHTS, WHICH WERE STATED IN OUR PRELIMINARY CONTRACT.

SINCERELY,
DOË
LULU
FRANCESCO

DEMANDS

TOO MUCH ACACIA. ALTHOUGH WE ARE IMPORTED AMERICANS, WE TOO WOULD LIKE TO SAVOR THE MIX OF CULTURES. HOW ABOUT SOME WISTERIA? BAMBOO? COMBRETUM? OR MAPLE LEAVES? LET’S HAVE A LITTLE CACTUS.