Anyone I got too close to. The thought froze me so that I could hardly breathe, and I sat up with a gasp. No. No.

“Willow?” Seb moved quickly from the wall; the sleeping bag made a soft noise as he kneeled beside me.

“Mom,” I whispered. “Seb, what if...what if I was making her angel burn worse all those years?” I covered my face with my hands as I began to shake – seeing her sitting in her chair, her dreamy smile. And all the hours I had spent sitting next to her: holding her hand, stroking her arm. Each memory was like being kicked in the stomach. I couldn’t live with this; I just couldn’t – if it was true, then I didn’t even want to live any more.

“Stop, querida, stop—” I felt Seb start to take me into his arms.

Somehow what had happened between us made it impossible for me to touch Seb now – even though he was the only person I could touch. I pulled away. “Don’t! I can’t – I can’t let you hold me any more—”

“Willow!” Cradling my face in his hands, he gently forced me to look at him, his expression distraught. “Listen to me. Tonight didn’t happen – I’m still your brother. Please, let me help.”

I hugged myself, struggling with everything I had to hang on. “Nothing can help,” I got out finally. My voice sounded dead and buried. “Nothing, not ever again.”

I could feel Seb’s compassion, so tender that something inside of me gave way. He put his arms around me again as I started to cry, drawing me close against his chest. I didn’t have the energy to resist this time – didn’t even want to any more. I let him hold me, and I cried against his warm shoulder while the shadows played on the wall beside us.

Eventually I must have fallen into an exhausted sleep. When I woke up later, Seb and I were both lying down. My eyes felt bruised and puffy. The crying hadn’t helped – my head throbbed with thoughts that hurt too much to dwell on. Only one candle was going now, its flame sputtering weakly.

Seb was still holding me; he’d fallen asleep too. In the dim light, I stared at his sleeping face – at the mouth that I’d kissed so passionately – and knew with a sinking heart that he was wrong. Tonight had happened. And because of it, the dearest friendship of my life had been soured. Seb could never really be my brother again.

I didn’t have the boy I loved, and I didn’t have my best friend, either.