And after the attack – if by some miracle we managed to succeed, and there was an “after” to think about – I could never be with Alex again. I just prayed that whatever damage I’d already done to him would get better in time; that it wasn’t permanent. I felt cold even in my jean jacket as I stared up into the shadows. How ironic, though. I’d just told Seb that we could never be together, but if we hurt humans with our touch, then there was no one else in the world for either of us, was there? Literally, no one else in the world. And so perhaps we would end up getting together someday – years from now, maybe, once this pain had faded a little – but I knew it would never be anything like what I’d had with Alex. Nothing else would ever be like that. Not in my whole life.

“No,” said Seb, his voice fierce.

I glanced over at him. He was staring at me angrily, his hand a tight fist on his thigh. “You were right, what happened was a mistake,” he said. “If it happens again between us, it won’t be because we’re the only two half-angels. It will be because you’re in love with me, as much as you are now with Alex. I don’t want you any other way – I’d rather be your brother for ever.”

“Seb...” I didn’t know what to say. Oh god, now I’d hurt Seb, on top of everything else.

He shook his head. “This isn’t the time,” he said shortly. “But I know what we could have together, Willow. And I won’t take anything less.”

I let out a breath. “Look, I’m sorry. It was just a stupid, random thought, that’s all. You weren’t supposed to hear it.” I didn’t blame Seb for feeling the way he did, but knew it meant that nothing would ever happen between us again in that case, not even decades in the future. I covered my eyes with both arms, suddenly feeling beyond weary; battered by the past few days. “Can we just...not talk about this any more?” I asked in a small voice.

I sensed rather than saw his cool shrug. “We’ll never talk about it again, if you don’t want.”

I didn’t answer. If Seb was still hurt, I seriously couldn’t deal with it right now.

We didn’t speak for a long time. Another candle choked out, casting us into a deeper gloom that seemed hideously symbolic. I could sense my angel inside of me, and had a flash of hatred for her so intense that it curled my stomach. How could I ever forgive myself for hurting Alex? How could I go through life, knowing my touch would damage anyone I got too close to?