Gently, I disentangled my fingers from his and cleared my throat. “You know, my dream was right,” I said. “I hate the thought of ever being without you, Seb. You’re one of the most important people in my life. And you deserve an amazing girl who’s just...so completely in love with you. But I don’t feel that way. I’m sorry.”

A long pause spun out around us. “You don’t have to apologize,” said Seb at last. “You never have to apologize.”

I pushed my hands through my hair, leaving it in wild spikes. “I do! I shouldn’t have kissed you, not when I wasn’t sure—”

“It was very nice, though,” he said, trying to smile. “I think I’ll manage to forgive you.”

Maybe, but I’d never forgive myself. Oh god, why did everything have to be such a mess? Unconsciously, I touched my neck – it felt bare and wrong without the crystal pendant Alex had given me hanging from its slender chain. Remembering his coolness as Seb and I had gone into the cathedral, I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my cheek on them, wishing so much that I’d seen a hint, just a hint, that he still felt the same way about me.

“Yes, he still feels the same,” said Seb quietly.

My heart quickened with sudden hope. Seb sat gazing down at the sleeping bag; when he felt my eyes on him, he glanced up and shrugged. “I saw him, when you weren’t watching. The look on his face—” His mouth twisted. “He’s still in love with you, just too stubborn to back down yet.”

I should have been relieved – instead, staring at Seb, dread started growing in me like a dark, tangled vine. “There’s something else, isn’t there?” I said. “Whatever it was that you said you’d tell me later, back at the cathedral.”

Seb let out a ragged breath. Leaning back against the corrugated metal of the warehouse wall, he scraped his hands over his face. I could feel his reluctance like a weight on my throat.

“Seb?” I whispered.

“Querida, please, believe me,” he said finally. “This is the last thing in the world I want to tell you.”

Chapter Twenty-five

A LONG TIME LATER, I was lying on my back on the sleeping bag, staring up into the dark shadows. Seb still sat against the wall. The flickering light had drawn in around us as the cluster of candles burned lower. One of them had sputtered out altogether, dying with little hissing noises.